Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Our Upcoming Three Week "Vacation"

*Note- I was having some spam comments, so I changed the setting so that I have to moderate comments. If you comment, and it doesn't show up right away, it isn't broken, I just have to make sure your comment isn't spam. 

First, an update on the whole Grace situation because we have had a lot of questions about it.

In less than a week (!!!!), our power of attorney in Ghana will attend Grace's visa interview, with Grace, on our behalf. To my understanding, the purpose of this interview is to be sure that all of our information that we provided for our I-600 (and they already approved) is accurate, and she is indeed an orphan as we claim that she is. If you will join us in praying for this to go well, the time to pray is before you go to bed on Sunday March 10th, because with the time change, most of us will be asleep as this interview takes place. I think Blake said that it is 11:30pm Pacific time that her interview will be taking place in Ghana.

We hope and pray that nothing goes wrong here, and there is no more required information, and they just say we pass. At that point, they will tell our power of attorney the visa print date. Visas print on Fridays. Many families recently have been blessed to have the visa print date be the Friday of the week they pass. Some have it the following week. We are obviously hoping and praying that it is the same week, partially so we have her home that much sooner, but also because of the escort thing.

Our adoption agency has a group of people traveling to Ghana from March 12th to the 18th. (This has nothing to do with us whatsoever, they are just carrying out adoption business there). We have already talked with them, and they have agreed that if it prints on the 15th, they will escort her home with them on the 18th. This would be AMAZING. It would allow us to start bonding with her in a way that is not super stressful on both of us.

If all of this proceeds according to our biggest wishes, Blake and I would fly to Seattle to meet the escort at that airport on the 18th. We would receive Grace from the escort, and then we would go to a local hotel just for the night, before flying home on the 19th (just because she has been flying forever, and we want to give her the little break). Close family members are welcome to meet us and Grace at the airport when we arrive. (If you aren't sure if you qualify... ask :-D).

Then, with the exception of Easter, the three of us are going on a three week "vacation." For most intents and purposes, we hope that our family and friends who already love Grace so much, and want to meet her and spend time with her, will imagine us as on a vacation.

What do I mean by this? I mean that you can reach Blake and I by phone, and I will likely be posting pictures on facebook, maybe even a blog, but you can't come visit our family. (A friend asked about bringing meals over, and I told her, so I will tell any interested parties, that we will accept the food, but we will not have you come in or meet Grace, so it is up to you :-D).

There is a good, solid, research based reason for this- it is called cocooning in the adoption world. Basically, because Grace's background is having a number of different adults care for her, most recently the escort and that group, she hasn't had the opportunity to bond to one pair of adults as more important than any other pair. Even though she seemed to get along well with us in Ghana, it actually could be more of an indication that in her little life, she has learned that all adults are equal.

So, if we allowed the large number of people who love her to come over right away, she would likely continue to believe that, and wouldn't be learning that we are special, a new thing, her parents. Even as much as she will have other important family members and friends, we need to establish ourselves as most important first. The research says that to do this, the best way is to be the only adults in her life for a significant length of time before starting to have her meet others.

Even if you think three weeks is a long time, the research actually recommends cocooning 1 month per year that the child lived in the orphanage/foster home. As young as she is, that would be a month and a half. Blake and I don't want to make everyone wait that long, but at the same time, we do want to be sure that she is bonded with us.

We hope that all who wish to meet her will respect this (if you don't, we will still enforce it, but we will have to feel bad as we tell you no). If we feel like she has really connected with us at the end of the three weeks (with Easter being somewhat of a trial run), we will announce that she is now available for social engagements, which is just my fancy way of saying that we will start scheduling times for anyone who wants to meet her and spend time with her (still with Blake or I present).

Note the word "scheduling." That's on purpose. Another thing the research says about adopted kids is that they can become easily overwhelmed in large groups. I am taking a risk with that for Easter, but would prefer to follow it otherwise. For this reason, we aren't going to have a big party for everyone to see Grace, but instead if you want to spend time with her once we are "back from our vacation" we will work together to figure out a time. My hope is to only have her visit with one small group (2-3 people) a day, at most, and even then only for an hour or two. Again, I hope that people will be respectful of this, and realize that with only 2-3 people a day, depending on how quick people are to contact me, it might end up being longer than 3 weeks for you.

For the record, I plan to do this like I scheduled conferences as a teacher. When I say that we are going to start allowing people to see her, you can contact me with three days/times that work for you, and let me know your 1st, 2nd and 3rd preference. After that, it is first come, first serve. :-D Remember, family and friends, life is long, and eventually everyone will get their turn.

I keep mentioning Easter. If we get her on the 18th (as we hope and pray and wish for), Easter is just about 2 weeks after she gets home. But when I sat down and thought about it, I decided that as important as bonding is, I don't want her to miss out on her first holiday at home just because we are trying so hard to get her to attach to us. So, we will be attending Easter at my mom's house as we normally do, with Grace (if all goes well). If you are part of the "special" group that gets invited to Easter at my mom's, you will get to see her a little earlier than the 3 weeks. Though, be forewarned... we (or at least I) will probably be more of a helicopter parent than normal at that celebration. Also, though at this point, we do acknowledge that family members will want to hold her, and we

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