Saturday, April 11, 2020

The New Normal

On March 19th, California was ordered into a lockdown.

But due to getting conjunctivitis the week before this lockdown, I have only been outside the house for 7 days since March 1st. It is now April 11th.

Even before his official declaration, we, as a family, had decided to severely limit where we went to only where we had to go, because both Grace and I are at higher risk with the coronavirus.

But for the sake of posterity, let it be stated that the majority of the United States, and the world, really, are closed due to this intense pandemic sweeping the globe. It hits some people mildly, and others dangerously, and has killed many. But most importantly, it is extremely contagious, and so, everything is closed.

School takes place at home, with distance learning with the teachers on the computer. Hockey practices are mostly us reminding him to practice at home, with occasional zoom video conferencing lessons.

Our days, nights and weekends are all spent at home, with only Blake venturing outside the house.

For anyone who knows us, you know this is extremely rare and out of character for us. We were the family always out the door somewhere. Remington was on several hockey teams, and loved it. He loved the practices and the games, and looked forward to both. Grace was enjoying parkour, tumbling and had recently added a trampoline class and soccer to the mix.

Weekends too were filled, with even more than just sports. We had farmer's market and gatherings with friends, church and breakfast with my parents. It was good, but it was undeniably busy. My planner, though fun to do, was necessary to keep track of all of the different activities that filled our lives.

Going cold turkey from this life to home, all the time, was a shock to the system.

We had time we didn't know what to do with, genuinely, because we hadn't had that time before. Instead of weekends filled with plans, we had large gaps of time to fill, and I think that the absence of all of our normal activities was still so fresh, so new, that it hurt to not have them, like a still open wound.

But now, as we approach a month with this reality as a family, and I am over a month, it is interesting to see the change in our collective mindsets.

It had gotten to the point that toys were only occasionally played with at home, because we were home for so little of the day, and by the time we finished everything it was time for dinner and bed, and maybe a family show to relax with together.

With an excess of time, both kids are back into toys in a major way. Grace has been combining her LOL dolls with the castle blocks to make homes and schools for her dolls, and I overhear elaborate stories with them. Remington is not only building with Legos (which he never stopped before) but is also bringing back out his super heros for adventures, and joining Grace in her imaginative play with her dolls and Legos.

The basketball hoop on our garage was there when we moved in, and yet it was played with only occasionally. But now games are at minimum nightly, and several times a day on the weekends.

We have time for more family games at night, because I can start dinner earlier without the sports, and then there are more hours before bed to get more activities in.

Personally, though I have always loved baking, it is a time consuming activity, that I never had time for before. It was difficult to squeeze in an occasional baked good here or there ever since the kids got old enough to do the sports life.

All this to say that although it is undeniable that being quarantined is life changing, I can't say that it is a fully negative thing in our lives anymore.

Obviously, I don't mean to say that the virus is good by any means, and it is truly a tragedy how many people have lost their lives and their loved ones to it. My heart goes out to all of the hospital workers and researchers who are working tirelessly to help the world beat it.

Our little family definitely has the hard parts too, like having to do school at home.

It is a challenging time, and I know it will feel good to get back to something more like the life we lived before. But I hope that not all of it disappears. I hope that I can continue to bake, at least more than I used to before COVID-19. I hope that my kids can find time to play between whatever activities resume, at some point. I'm glad they can play basketball together.

I never thought I would live through an historical event like this, and I supposed no one ever really expects to. This is as close as I have ever come before to things like the rationing of WW2. It is a really unique experience to not be able to easily and without fail get whatever food I think of, or that my family wants.

But that is what got me back into baking. I was having trouble ordering bread, so I decided I could make it. When I searched for yeast, I quickly learned that was out of stock too. But I was able to get a sourdough starter, and it sparked a really fun new hobby that my entire family has enjoyed.

Even flour was a struggle, so I found a milling company, off Amazon, and ordered 100lb of flour, so that I don't have to worry if I have enough flour to make recipes for my family now.

All of this started with the lack of already made bread.

It is amazing how quickly life can get boiled down to the essentials, the things that were present 40, 50, 60 years ago when your nation and world are going through a major event like this. Breadmaking, music, basketball, dolls, and action figures. Not that we don't have and use technology daily, but I do try to limit it, and I think we are all better off for it.

I even attempted homemade cinnamon rolls today for tomorrow morning. It was a recipe that not only would I never have attempted in the past, I literally wouldn't have had time to make it. This recipe required something from me starting from around 10 am this morning, off and on all day and evening, and then again tomorrow morning. If we had hockey and our normal Saturday, I couldn't babysit dough all day. But it has been an adventure that I hope has a tasty conclusion tomorrow.

I hope, as a nation, that we come out as stronger people when it is all over. Forced to spend more time than we perhaps wanted to at home, forced to grow closer to those we live with or to learn more about ourselves, maybe there will be a positive change in the generation that lives through the coronavirus pandemic of 2020.

And as for me, I hope that I keep my little starter sourdough alive even when quarantine is over, too.

p.s. I could have put this on Medium, but I would have needed to polish it more, and leave a lot of the boring, over personal parts out. I wanted a stream of consciousness post, to commemorate this weirdly unique time of life that everyone is going through right now. So I came back to my little old personal blog.

Sunday, March 15, 2020

Living Through a Historical Moment in the Making

I have written a number of things on my Medium website about coronavirus.

March 1st- My Family Takes the Coronavirus Threat Seriously

March 6th- A Logic Based Guide to Why Testing for the Coronavirus is Crucial

March 10th- Dear Americans, Please Stop Politicizing a Global Threat

March 15th- Am I a Covid-19 Cylon? Are you?

But I wanted a personal one. No one is likely to care what I say here, but I needed to process my feelings through writing, even if no one will care to read it.

I love planning.

I have one of those fancy planners with stickers and everything, and it helps me keep track of the many activities that my kids have on a typical week.

This week is anything but typical.

Usually we would have school, followed by rink time, hockey practices, soccer practices, and games for both.

Not this week.

This week everything is closed, and it is surreal to live through a time where for the safety of the public EVERYTHING is getting canceled. A week where the news, Twitter, and everyone online says it is time to stay home, social distance, keep the virus from spreading.

These are scenes from a movie, not real life.

Yet it is real.

What is worse is that my state, California, is in the thick of it, with the third highest confirmed numbers of the States, meaning that the true numbers are exponentially higher. We hear the reports coming from Italy, which is running about 10 days ahead of us, and their hospitals are overrun. They are choosing who gets to live based on bedspace/ ventilators, and warning that we will have the same problem if we aren't careful.

The governor here has said that he will be taking over hotels as hospitals when it comes to that. Which if Italy is any indicator, it probably will.

I'm nervous for Grace, as she has a compromised immune system, and under normal circumstances she has to be hospitalized for regular fevers.

Even if she can avoid the bad virus, I'm afraid if she gets a regular virus during these strange times. A regular virus that usually gets her time in the hospital, an anti-bacterial shot and monitoring. Will there be a place for her to go?

I feel lost. All the time.

There is no way to prepare for an outbreak. But it is here. In my area, in my state, in my country. This is not a foreign virus, this is a virus very much here.

Every day we see the numbers grow. Every day the news tells us how we haven't tested enough and our true numbers are exponentially higher. So I am rightfully concerned about literally every person we come in contact with. I want to limit all interactions with the outside world. Which is what they tell us anyways, so my family is hunkering down and trying to find a balance with still living life, having fun while going nowhere that other people are.

It is strange.

Someday books and movies will be made about the coronavirus pandemic of 2020, and they will know how long it lasts, and how it ends. But not us. We are living through it, and the unknown is scary.

The odds are that by the end of it, we will all know someone who is affected by the coronavirus, either by getting sick or dying to it. It is a weird thought. I don't want it to affect my small world.

But it probably will, like it or not.

Someday my grandkids might ask me what it was like living through the coronavirus pandemic.

My current thoughts are that it is scary, surrreal, and unsettling. It is a poignant reminder that we live in a world where bad things can happen, even if we usually ignore that reality. If a pandemic can happen, what else is possible? I know our nation will get through it, but I think the scars the fear will leave will last even after the worst of the pandemic is past.



Tuesday, December 31, 2019

A Look Back at 2019

Even though the majority of my writing is now located elsewhere, I haven't forgotten this relic of my past.

Since 2009 I have written on this blog, and since 2010, I have ended the year with a post looking back on the events that have happened in the last 12 months.

This blog will likely continue to be mostly neglected, with the majority of my writing going to my new platform (see below) but I don't want to let it completely disappear, if only as a tie to life back in 2009 when blogs were just beginning.

In my jar was much less this year.

There were no races, as I spent the year working out at my favorite small gym, without any extra motivation needed to continue to attend besides the financial commitment. But I was consistent with my three times a week workout, except for the health issues that came up throughout the year.

The jar had our invitation to my cousin's wedding, as well as tickets to a fun Hamilton sing along I did with a good friend. There is the ticket to the Pet Expo, as well as a ticket to the Orange County Fair.

The only other physical evidence of the events of the year was some documentation of our first family road trip to San Jose early in the year for Remington's travel hockey team.

These small physical relics of the year miss most of the most significant events of 2019, which was back up to 2013 levels of unexpected turns. 

First, February was a tumultuous month of sickness in our house with one after the other of us falling victim to the flu, complete with long duration of fevers, and a double bad flu for Remington and I with his turning into pneumonia, and mine turning into bronchitis, with a painful cough that lingered for weeks.

Then we had relative calm until May, when out of the blue, I had intense joint pain in multiple joints throughout my body. After several tests it was determined that I had an autoimmune condition, most likely Lupus.

As this is a chronic condition, I will be dealing with some level of symptoms of this for most of my life, and you can read more about my reactions and processing of this below too.

Then in June, we had a double whammy of stressful situations with our family. My brother started divorce proceedings, and the beginning of that was very unstable and caused a lot of anxiety for everyone involved. It is still ongoing, but will hopefully be fully resolved by the end of 2020.

Also in June, Blake's brother and sister in law had a scare when she unexpectedly went into labor at 6 months, which is obviously bad. The decision was to put her on 10 weeks of bed rest to give their baby the best chance of staying put, which eventually became inverted bed rest, and she wasn't even allowed to leave the bed for bathroom trips.

We decided to invite them to live with us when that happened, so that I, who wasn't working during the summer, could watch both of my kids and her two year old so that she could be able to follow doctor's orders.

So, from the start of July until the middle of September, our house was wild with 7 people living in it, but it truly was a great time of bonding for the family, and we are so happy to have helped in such a stressful time. She made it to 8 months before she went into labor again, and had their baby, my nephew in September, who thankfully only had to stay in NICU for a few days before getting to be home with his family, and he is doing great now.

The end of the year has been a bit smoother, with me starting a new job at an elementary school as an instructional assistant, but I am able to get off in time to get the kids from school, help with homework and get them to their many various activities.

Currently, Remington is playing both club roller hockey and recreation ice hockey. His club season is going great so far, with two first place 6u wins and one second place.

He is also doing martial arts and soccer (and yes, there is a sport every day of the week).

Grace is still doing parkour and tumbling, and loving both. She is up to a green rank (third level) in tumbling, which means they are starting to teach her how to do flips and back flips.

She is also doing soccer, and it sounds like she wants to continue soccer going forward as well as her parkour.

So overall life is full, and happy.

My writing at the end of 2019

As I mentioned above, my free time is mostly spent writing these days, having revived my earlier excitement for it on a much more lively platform, where I can see what people are reading, read comments, comment on others' writings and basically feel more a part of a community when I write.

I publish often over there, and am likely to continue, so you can join Medium and read everything I post, or I will try to do one of these sum ups when I can, and give you friend links, where you can read each article without being a paid member of the platform.

Part of the reason I am sharing all these with you is because they give you a deeper look at what my family has gone through this year, like my experience with my diagnosis, or what it was like having more people live with our family.

For the sake of time, these will not be aesthetically appealing, sorry.

Top ones about the year:
https://medium.com/the-ascent/when-life-throws-roadblocks-in-the-way-of-your-goals-495318bde35?source=friends_link&sk=7b4437f467810b0bd39b155e2a7ca083'

https://medium.com/swlh/how-to-become-a-i-volunteer-as-tribute-person-and-overcome-the-bystander-affect-3870021ec2?source=friends_link&sk=1278406e3f4a85171a25fb3d2bac2acb


https://medium.com/our-slices-of-life/6-stages-of-processing-my-chronic-illness-to-eventual-acceptance-68272a4a71?source=friends_link&sk=d44926aa46a4253b93af3dd9b9601820


--------------------------------
School

https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/what-one-thing-could-decrease-anxiety-and-improve-reading-at-your-childs-school-1de713db113c?source=friends_link&sk=e37ae7c71f361e07c92ccc8f052da0f1

https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/the-best-gift-to-give-teachers-this-year-912d20dd623?source=friends_link&sk=5263e2138092350bd738b5010be91ab8

https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/why-teaching-history-is-important-3a4c52c9908d?source=friends_link&sk=c43c8612b19de7cc94e932053626e247

https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/its-time-to-ditch-the-archaic-idea-of-age-based-grade-levels-7f0494efddb4?source=friends_link&sk=29df10cfafcad3ede2dda75d10430a62

https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/to-promote-growth-mindset-in-schools-we-need-less-quantity-and-more-quality-assignments-6d20add9fd6c?source=friends_link&sk=af69fca0106017f9e2824e655c9e815c

https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/family-style-meals-could-reduce-school-lunch-waste-948f53012d5?source=friends_link&sk=f640a76a74fea3ceed91ce51efe14be3

Fitness

https://medium.com/live-your-life-on-purpose/how-to-keep-motivation-going-by-placing-a-bet-5c630faf30a0?source=friends_link&sk=c001052b8a3cf7d119047e09e12a1621

https://medium.com/live-your-life-on-purpose/how-to-conquer-a-gym-workout-4269a288a078?source=friends_link&sk=42e26a8db4b65458970f73f7c1436abb

Poem
https://psiloveyou.xyz/decades-of-baked-bread-88a9109f042a?source=friends_link&sk=728bb2041423ce63bf681023435883bd

Parenting

https://medium.com/@lisaolsen_36549/with-some-kids-holidays-arent-just-cheerful-and-bright-a8da77cef8b3?source=friends_link&sk=0f8afc3b53de1685e8504fafb2adda43

https://medium.com/our-slices-of-life/how-kids-can-make-you-a-late-person-65b5ce4377bd?source=friends_link&sk=6c0d0afe7f94b2cb09426d7f68138764

https://medium.com/our-slices-of-life/how-a-lost-tooth-changed-the-holidays-for-our-family-forever-6575cb1b784b?source=friends_link&sk=7d17020614ff560b5e03d0fc9104cc75

https://psiloveyou.xyz/vision-versus-reality-im-not-the-parent-i-wanted-to-be-2d8a4d883247?source=friends_link&sk=9573fcf6ac5479c1db55f65d904f021b


https://medium.com/our-slices-of-life/choose-to-live-the-life-less-recorded-8e520246e18?source=friends_link&sk=6790da27473bd19eb500bcf1e1c07f1c

https://psiloveyou.xyz/did-you-put-on-your-dragonscale-armor-what-i-teach-my-kids-about-bullies-80803d4cc689?source=friends_link&sk=9a3f9ac67f8c863d8e1090200498948b

Fiction
https://psiloveyou.xyz/the-last-morning-12ad1506f975?source=friends_link&sk=e402d81f55014ff89fee1ca1c5db1e70

https://psiloveyou.xyz/waiting-for-a-ring-fbae6144c7f8?source=friends_link&sk=cce65ec047ededd9469d2feba268b12b

https://psiloveyou.xyz/fast-food-in-space-a-mother-and-son-adventure-c63bd483cb1c?source=friends_link&sk=cf47113b904656a83a202ccada4befa4


Random

https://medium.com/@lisaolsen_36549/trump-is-impeached-news-from-both-sides-of-the-track-6852e82d4d16?source=friends_link&sk=2fc1ad25caf9a2bbc24b4633fda1d7df

https://medium.com/@lisaolsen_36549/the-response-missing-from-the-grandma-for-christmas-craiglist-ad-story-50e53c55ea57?source=friends_link&sk=b6d65965b06cd5f014fca89d6bb2b5a0

https://medium.com/our-slices-of-life/what-your-infertile-friends-arent-telling-you-a5bd7d67c31a?source=friends_link&sk=60a8955322815f10a0d526d932678b23

https://medium.com/the-haven/all-clothes-shopping-is-not-created-equal-69cf9ada0cde?source=friends_link&sk=3192da6278a33ce41cc6066a4335055c

https://medium.com/swlh/the-power-of-the-written-word-f981f031e231?source=friends_link&sk=e392ccd3b09797ff02ac3de5516e38a1

https://medium.com/@lisaolsen_36549/a-surprisingly-simple-way-to-reduce-performance-anxiety-47e6ae5e5f7d?source=friends_link&sk=8ce3095608bf2130dece1d013faa2216

https://psiloveyou.xyz/my-relationship-with-rain-11d654ed3e4e?source=friends_link&sk=788e83b6a175c367b34a4d37ccb977c7

https://medium.com/@lisaolsen_36549/when-should-a-baby-use-a-spoon-d0d21591e2ec?source=friends_link&sk=fc94025e328ecab2bdc6574ed8fcddfd

https://medium.com/our-slices-of-life/how-i-went-from-failing-at-pasta-roni-to-hosting-thanksgiving-e3f1ff9be1bc?source=friends_link&sk=03031309f627e64f870bf5bec6d0c947

https://medium.com/@lisaolsen_36549/the-endangered-art-of-pick-up-sports-and-how-to-keep-them-from-becoming-extinct-333305da9bd7?source=friends_link&sk=17f28bec638e58344509ce0fc8d6b583

https://medium.com/swlh/the-best-thing-you-can-do-with-a-rare-condition-ac6a08aabc85?source=friends_link&sk=1a33b29efecb2bdb9c01c266a86017d9

Sigh, that was a lot of tedious work... and I didn't even put them all in by the end. But that is most of what I have written in the last few months, and likely going forward, I will just pick a few favorites to share friend links (aka ways to read them for free).

This year has definitely had its ups and downs, but overall, I think we grew stronger as a family because of the valleys, and appreciated the mountain's calm moments more.







Saturday, November 9, 2019

The Best Thing you can do with a Health Condition

As many of you know, I am dealing with Lupus, and possibly Scleroderma in the future, as well as having a daughter with medical needs as well.

In my article on Medium I talk about what I have done to give both my daughter and I the best future possible.

https://medium.com/@lisaolsen_36549/the-best-thing-you-can-do-with-a-rare-condition-ac6a08aabc85?source=friends_link&sk=1a33b29efecb2bdb9c01c266a86017d9

Friday, October 25, 2019

An Ethical Problem for Chidi

As I am home sick, I wrote another piece today as well.

This one deals with the ethical questions surrounding some interesting new research for a cure for Sickle Cell and other genetic diseases.

https://medium.com/@lisaolsen_36549/an-ethical-problem-for-chidi-anagonye-d94b969aad60?sk=4c652ed57e3992a90018c374eb5afb7d

I don't have answers- just questions and hypotheticals on this one.

The Fine Line between Empathy and Pity

To anyone who follows this blog, I wrote another story on Medium titled The Fine Line between Empathy and Pity.

It basically talks about my thoughts on how to handle the news that someone you know is going through a health crisis or major life event, and my own personal experience of when I had my first flare, and how that diagnosis affected my family. I would love it if you would take a moment to read it.

Monday, April 8, 2019

My 35th birthday

I started this blog ten years ago, as crazy as that sounds. Any faithful followers can attest that for the most part it is a relic of the time before I got too busy for it, but it still remains here, and is still something I like to post on from time to time.

I have hopes that someday I will take the time to get all of my most significant blogs onto a google document or something that will feel less likely to eventually be erased from the internet, but that, like most things, isn't high enough priority to get done any time soon.

But these big birthdays feel like they should get a nod, if only a brief one.

The first birthday I wrote about on here was turning 25. I wrote about turning 30, as well as my birthday some other years, but not every year.

So here I am at 35.

It is a strange number to me. Significantly older than 34, on the track to 40. But I am more at peace about it than I expected I would be.

Here is the simple truth. Not written about on here, but at 25, I started trying to have kids, and build our family. It didn't happen right away, or as simple as that, but yes, ten years ago was when we, Blake and I, decided we were ready for kids.

I spent the end of my twenties becoming more and more desperate for those kids, and thinking about our future together, their sports, their activities, who they would grow up to be.

By 30, I did have part of that dream fulfilled, and looking back at pictures of turning 30 and seeing my two kids still so little did make me miss their little days. Yet, though there was lots of joy in taking care of my little baby and toddler... it has not been so long ago that  I have forgotten the tantrums, the potty training, the messes, the daily stress and grind of having two kids under 3 who constantly need you for everything. Those days were draining, exhausting and stressful. Precious too, and I am so thankful for all of the sweet memories I have from those times... but now is better.

Not just in a "enjoy the moment" kind of way, but in a truly, this age is better kind of way. Anyone who knows me knows that school age kids are really my sweet spot, and I LOVE seeing my kids thrive at their activities. I LOVE seeing their writing improve and when they figure out something difficult.

I love their relationship, and how most of the time they can play unsupervised, and get along and have lots of fun together.

My 25 year old self wanted this time. She wanted babies, yes, but more so she wanted the kid time.

I'm here.

I have what I hoped for- a good husband who loves me, and two beautiful kids who call me mom, who were excited to wish me happy birthday, who didn't want to let me go to work this morning.

Honestly, it is hard to imagine that, if you are going on the 5's, another birthday will top this one. By the time I am 40, this era will be past. I will be the parent of a 10 and 12 year old- two preteens. I'm guessing hormones and drama will abound. We will be heading into the time of junior high and high school. And I bet I'll look back on this birthday as such a sweet, awesome time with my kids.

The hardest thing is that I can't stop time. I can't stop them from continuing to grow up, and while I look forward to seeing who they become, it is so hard to not think of them as they are now- still my two primary grade kids.

As for the rest of my slice of life writing for the day- I am learning to de-prioritize goals for now.

Sounds strange right?

As a goal oriented person, there are always several ways that I am trying to improve myself- book goals, cleaning goals, sewing goals, learning a new language etc.

But as mentioned above, this time is short, and my life feels full enough with the kids, my job(s) and the necessities of keeping the house going. If I find free time between that, I want to read a relaxing book, not work through a difficult novel. If I find a few minutes on my phone, yes, these days, I typically pick instagram over my language app.

I will eventually have two grown kids. I will eventually retire. So I can eventually work  on those goals. I have enough stress in my life, and I am paring down my goals for now, so that I can allow myself to enjoy the life that I am living today.

Now, I head off to pick up my kids from school, because they are still young enough to need me to, and I am excited to see them.