Back when we were trying/going through the adoption, both Blake and I were told numerous times by numerous people that there were many things that we wouldn't be able to continue once we were parents. Perhaps because of these comments, or it is just that we value these things so much, we, at least for now, are proving those people wrong.
One big thing was cooking real meals. I have talked on the blog numerous times before about dishes we have made or the fact that we like cooking. Grace definitely makes it harder, but we still eat real, homecooked, from scratch meals most nights of the week.
These are made possible in one of three ways-
Some days, I start early, hours before Blake gets home, and I do all the prepping and cooking, while also keeping Grace entertained and out of trouble. One way to keep her occupied is to allow her to help. The biggest way she has helped with dinner multiple times now is by tearing the kale, swiss chard or lettuce for dinner. She is pretty good at it, and it keeps her happy and busy for a while. Only downside is that sometimes, when she gets tired of her tearing task, she switches to taking the greens out of the bowl... and then I have to persuade her to put them back in. Other times, I give her a snack during dinner prep time, and then sometimes she is content wandering and playing with her toys in the next room, and just checking in on me.
When Blake gets home on these days, we eat dinner together, all three of us.
The second way that real meals happen is while he is putting her down to sleep, I start the prep work for dinner, and start cooking, and he just helps me finish once she is down, or I finish while he is upstairs with her. This typically happens on days that we (Grace and I) are really busy, or the dinner has a part that Blake needs to help with (i.e. grilling).
The third way that we get real meals is just Blake and I working together, like the old days, after she gets down. The biggest downside to this is that these dinners tend to be really late, like 8:30-9 at night. But again, our commitment to cooking healthy and eating real meals means that occasional nights like this are worth it.
I do miss Blake and I working together on dinners every night, and it has been a big adjustment to knowing that most days, it is me prepping everything, one way or the other, just to be sure that we eat relatively early. On the other hand, I find so much joy in searching through cookbooks, getting ingredients at the farmer's market, and enjoying the homemade meals that it makes that sacrifice worth it.
The other big thing that we were told wouldn't happen is Blake's gym schedule. He was, and still is, going to the gym every day after work. The downside is that he gets home an hour later than he would if he didn't go, but his health is better, and he is so much happier on the days that he gets that exercise in, that it doesn't affect life that much. I think the hardest thing about it is that Grace's bedtime routine now starts around 6:30, which means that most of his time with her at night is getting her dinner, and then doing the bedtime routine (I have him do it for this very reason, that it is the main time they get to spend together when it isn't a weekend).
I get my exercise in the form of walks with Grace, but I think if I wasn't pregnant, I would be able to have those walks be jogs/runs and still be able to work on endurance (which is depressingly disappearing, but that is another topic).
These are the two biggest areas that I feel like we are able to break the stereotypes and make it happen, even though it isn't the same as it used to be.
Now, this is not to say that there aren't areas where those people were totally right. One is dinners out. It is really tough for us to go out any time at night. Consider- Blake gets home between 5:30-6, and her bedtime routine starts at 6:30. By the time we could even meet anywhere, it is going to be really tight to get food, eat it, and get home in time to not mess up her schedule. This sleep schedule is precious... and a messed up night usually means a messed up next day, and it is two or three days before it is back to golden sleep again. Adopted child concerns means that we don't want anyone else doing her bedtime routine or being the one who she sees if she wakes up at night... so for now... no nights out. At some point, we will try to have someone else put her down, but for the time being, it is more important to us that her sleep schedule is protected and that she doesn't worry about being abandoned that it is that we go out to dinner, so we don't.
Hobbies are another area where for the most part, people were right. Blake's computer goes long stretches of time without even being on, and I can't remember the last time he played a computer game (phone games yes, not computer). For me, as you can see, blogs are less often, and my crafty hobbies, like sewing have been largely set aside except for the needs that come up (like my altering a too big dress so she can wear it for the Fourth of July). I do still get reading in, during lunch times (once she is contentedly eating), even if my reading time is frequently interrupted by a little girl asking for more, or water, etc. I also sneak some in at other points during the day. But the time for having hobbies that she isn't involved with is mostly over for now (and sure to get worse once her brother arrives).
However, I will say that the bottom line of what people have said is true for us as well. Life changes when you have kids. Maybe you can still make things work if you are committed to them enough (like cooking or going to the gym), but even so they have to work around your child's needs. Plans with friends, family, holidays, all of it suddenly has to be considered in the light of how will this affect my child. Many families, with different needs and priorities than us, might be able to make time for the hobby or the dinners out, or date nights out, but for us, right now, they aren't in the picture, and that's okay.
Because at the same time that we lose out on some things we used to do, we have a whole new set of entertainment and enjoyment. We get to see her walking improve, hear the words she adds, see her laugh as she waves and says "bye bye" and takes off running in another direction just to be chased. We get her love, her hugs and kisses as a very valuable repayment for anything that might feel lacking.
I probably wouldn't say to anyone what was said to us about specific things you can't do, but I would tell future parents to expect to have to change something, whatever it may be for that particular family. We could make hobbies work... at the expense of cooking and the gym, so we make the choice and live in the way that seems best within our time constraints. Others may flip it, and stop cooking so they have time to ___, and that's okay too. Fact is, life is good now, and that's what is important in the long run.
****************
Just because:
Here is a picture of another attempt at a hair style- I did a flat rope twist from the middle to her ears on both sides, like a headband.
This one is of her having a lovely time making a mess of just baking soda and vinegar (with food coloring in it).
No comments:
Post a Comment