Calm Before the Storm

One week from tomorrow is the last day of January. We were told by our contact in Ghana that he expected our daughter's passport would be ready in January. So, he still has about a week to be correct. Then, the longer it takes, the more it can really be any day (not that it hasn't for the last three weeks...).

As I was taking a walk this morning I was reflecting on this time.

This time of my life that I don't have a job, but don't have my daughter home yet. The time where I have most of the day to do as I please, as long as I do something productive. The time that is like summer, with each day providing ample time for me to relax, read, watch TV, etc. but in some ways, even better than summer, because I don't have plans for my room or for the next school year lurking in my mind, taking away from my relaxing attitude.

I decided today that it is like the calm before a storm.

I really experienced the calm before the storm on that run, a few weeks ago, when it started raining on me, because before it hit, everything was really quiet. Nobody was around, and for a time, even the wind was somewhat still. I didn't appreciate it enough. See, the trouble with the calm before the storm is that it is always followed by a storm. Most of the time, you don't enjoy the calm, because you keep wondering when the storm will hit. We get so concerned with the upcoming storm that we don't notice or enjoy the fact that for now, there is no storm. For now, I'm not being rained on. For now, I am not running against the wind.

Just like me, the last few weeks. I have a calm time in my life. More calm than I have experienced in a long time. Wait, scratch that. I literally can not remember a time in my life that was as calm as far as obligations go as right now.

Elementary school, Junior high, and High school were all inherently not calm because it was school time, maybe those summers, but I don't really remember them that well, and I was frequently taking some kind of summer school class just to get ahead. Also, in high school, I usually was working in the summer, if not year around. Add to that the fact that cross country took place early fall, which meant the practices were in the summer, so for the first few years of high school especially, not calm.

I did take a stand the summer between high school and college to purposely not take any classes, but if memory serves, I did have a job during that time. So no, not obligation free.

College, especially with me graduating early, was very full of obligations in my classes, and I spent summers either working, taking another class (or two) or doing things to boost my future resume.

After I graduated I jumped into a combination teaching credential and masters, and the masters portion started that summer, and finished the following summer with the credential in between. Definitely a full year there (especially as I was planning my wedding during this time).

After my masters was finished I got my teaching job, which kept me busy for the last 6 and a half years. As I mentioned above, sure there were summers and Christmas break etc., but as any teacher will tell you, the breaks in the school year usually are filled with tasks we have been putting off. Also, the students may get close to three months off in the summer. Teachers really don't. I would spend most of June finishing up the year, taking things off the walls, cleaning up etc., and then starting in August, I would be back in the class getting set up for the next year!

July was fairly free, but not obligation free. It was more prepping for August, or getting the stuff done at home that I had been putting off.

All this to say, being in the state I am in now, is somewhat strange. Like the calm before the storm, it feels off, but mostly because I haven't experienced this amount of no obligations before. And I definitely haven't been enjoying it as much as I should. I keep looking to when will she be home, I want her home, it is time for her to be home.

But today, as I walked, I realized something that I have been told for months, if not years. Life will change, drastically, and forever once she arrives. It will be sweet, there will be good moments, but it will be a storm. A challenge. Stressful. I will wish for time to myself. I will wish for time to read, uninterrupted. I will wonder if I will ever finish a novel again (all conjectures, but based on what other people have told me). I will wish for time to watch my shows, since I don't want her watching TV until she is at least 2 or 3.

In that moment, I decided something. I need to stop spending this time moping and wishing that she was here already. I need to stop wondering why I am not teaching, when she clearly isn't here yet, and I could have still been working. I need to stop feeling like my days are empty.

This is a gift, this calm before the storm. I need to embrace it. Get myself to the library and instead of reading good for me books about parenting, get myself some hearty novels to sink my teeth into.

The storm will come. It is truly only a matter of time. Even though there have been days that I have seriously wondered if her passport will ever arrive, I know I had the same thoughts about getting a referral in the first place. But it happened. Just like the passport will eventually happen. She will, in God's perfect timing, come home. Until then, I have this gift of freedom, and I need to treat it as such.

Now... what should I read first...