Dossier

After a month of waiting for the doctor's papers, two different trips to the notary (because I forgot something the first time), countless copies, countless e-mails to our adoption agency, a phone call check with them and a trip to FedEx, I am happy to state that our dossier is on our way to our adoption agency.


Once there, it will be checked again by the agency, and then packaged and sent to Ghana, where it will likely wait amongst many other stacks of paperwork, and who knows what will happen with it once it is there.

 I was very anxious to get this out, very frustrated with every extra day we were waiting for our paperwork to arrive, and very determined to get it done and sent out as soon as humanly possible. Meanwhile, Blake kept stating how there was no rush, since we are not connected with a child yet, and there is no name yet for any of our paperwork, and getting this done won't help that call come. As you can guess, this did create some tension between us. I disagreed with him... until today after FedEx.

 I told the FedEx worker that I wanted it to get there as soon as possible (which goes right along with what I felt above). In my head, at that moment, I was thinking about how we were already so delayed, that I didn't want the shipping to delay it any longer. When she told me the total for shipping it, I immediately clicked over to Blake's point of view. I then thought, why I am paying this much for it to get there tomorrow morning versus tomorrow night or Wednesday? What does it matter if it takes another week to get there? It was too late to change it, I didn't even try, it was just a change of point of view.

Also, there is a sort of a let down getting all those papers sent out. For the last month, I had a purpose, I had an objective, and I had something I could work on toward the goal of creating a family. Now... I have waiting again. The same waiting that I have had since last May. With the only difference being that we won't have to get that paperwork together when we get that call, and it will presumably be faster from call to our trip to Ghana. Both good things... just not... I don't know.

I have faith that whenever our child comes, we will feel confirmation that not only is that child supposed to be ours, but that the timing is exactly as intended too. It isn't like the last three childless years have been bad, actually there has been a lot of joy and a lot of solidifying our relationship in that time, and I know that there will be moments, once we are parents, that we will look back at this time, and appreciate each day that we had together without kids.


I have thought about posting a couple of melancholy thoughts here about how long we have been waiting, how it isn't fair, or something along that line of thinking...but I can't. I know I can't because I have typed it out a few times and always delete it. :-D While it is true that some people are able to start their families exactly when they intend to, there are many others who have families earlier than they wanted, or are with us and have to start their families later, and we have so many blessings in other areas, I can't truly complain. Not even a little. Everyone has a trial area in their life, something that they could legitimately point to and claim that their life is harder than others, but since we each have that area, we shouldn't complain or compare our life to others.

So I will choose instead to be a Pollyanna.

We have been asked to send our dossier because there may be a child available "soon"!
We have gotten together all of our papers, and sent them off to our agency!
We keep moving forward!

Until then we are blessed with a house! Jobs! Food on the table! Great families and great friends! Plants are growing! Sweet pets! Each other! And countless other joys and blessings that we take for granted on a daily basis!

Thank you Lord for your many blessings and please let me focus on your goodness instead of dwelling on the things I want.

 Psalm 27:
6 And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies around me, And I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD. ...
13 I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
14Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.