Our first approximate Due Date!

For the first time in this whole long crazy journey, we have the closest thing to a due date we are ever going to get.

We have our visa interview scheduled for March 11th. If things go well, and she passes the interview (done by our POA in Ghana) they will give us a visa print date.

If we are blessed with a same week print date (as many recent families have been) she will be able to come home March 15th. Some families get a two week print date, so that would be the 22nd.

However, as with all things in this crazy process, nothing is guaranteed, and something in the visa interview could go wrong, or they could need more documents or something else, but we will be praying that it goes smoothly and she is home sometime in March!

Progress at long last!

Got a message today that Grace's passport is ready!!!!!

Next step is to request a visa interview. Once we have the interview date, if all goes well, we have a good guess as to when she will be home!

My Analogy for our Adoption Journey

In answer to our number 1 question: No, no news on Grace yet. Yes, still waiting on the passport. If I don't get any updates by the end of the month, I will send another e-mail to our adoption agency just to check on progress, but really, if there was news, I trust that they would tell us, which means there is no news, and we are still waiting.

As I was laying in bed last night, starting to drift off to sleep, I realized that I had an experience last year that very closely mirrors our particular stage in our journey to get Grace home.

I have long thought that a journey is by far the best way to explain the timeline of an adoption. Each family that adopts from any given country has a number of "landmarks" in their "journey" that they want to see before they come home.  But the time it takes each family to see the landmarks is completely unique and different. So, when people ask, "How long does the journey take?" you will get a different answer from each family because people traveled to those landmarks at different times and in different ways.

Anyways, so on our current journey to get Grace home, there is a memory from Summer 2012, when we did our Yosemite hike, that I think beautifully explains where we are at now. I took this account straight from my blog about that hike:

Here is the most heartbreaking moment of the never ending hike down- miles wise, we were past the point that we thought we could stop and catch the shuttle back to our car, we had been seeing more and more people on the way down, so we knew we were getting close, and then we came around a bend and saw this:


It was a bathroom, and we thought (at least my dad and I) we had made it! Time to sit, time to rest, time to ride the shuttle back and be done torturing our feet and our legs!

However... alas... that was not the case. We were still a mile from that point. A MILE. Worse... to get to that magical wonderful stopping place required us to continue to take the trail which now ...went... up... hill. I wanted to cry. I wanted to protest. I don't even know what I wanted, but my disappointment was great. But sitting there wouldn't take away the fact that for us to be done, we had to continue, even uphill. Again.

This was still a very populated area, so as we practically limped our way through that last agonizing mile, we watched happy families pass us (including little kids), and I wished I had a sign that said, "Don't judge me for my slowness, I have been hiking for the last 7 and a half hours." Almost five hours from when we started our "downhill" trail, we finally, blissfully, made it to the shuttle

I added the bold emphasis, as it is my main point.

We knew, when we started out the hike that it was going to be long, it was going to be painful and a challenge, but we accepted that. We knew that the that Panorama trail had uphill portions, and still decided to take on the challenge.

This is like when Blake and I decided to adopt. You can't read a book or personal account about adoption without knowing that it is a long, arduous process. It just is, and we knew that.

 The trouble, with both, is that basically, we were mislead. On the hike, we thought it was shorter, based on what we had read online, but the online accounts and the mile markers on the mountain itself were wrong (or at least didn't match my Garmin). With our adoption, we were led to believe that getting passports was fairly quick, and that her passport would be ready in January.

Here's my point- in both cases, I don't think it is the actual length that is the problem. I think it is a result of thinking you're at the end, only to discover you have more to go.

In August, I was totally prepared for the thought that she might not be home until summer 2013, and if we hadn't learned anything otherwise, I think we would be okay with the wait. The trouble comes with the fact that we thought that it was going to be quicker when we got our I-600 approved so quickly. By the way, this logic was not wrong, because many other families who got their approval at the same time have already gotten their children home (because they already had passports).

Our hike was long, but the worst moment was when we thought we were done, only to discover that it was another mile still, and the trail went up. This is the point that we are currently at in our adoption. We thought we were done, only to feel that we have another uphill portion before we can get our precious little girl home.

But there is comfort in this analogy too. On that hike, as exhausted and drained as I was, I kept going.

I started to dread every step, and only kept going because I knew that stopping wouldn't help anything, it would just prolong the agony. I had to continually remind myself that I could only be done if I kept going.

Seriously, like a mantra, I kept saying over and over again, "Keep going, then you will eventually be done," in my head.

We ARE moving towards getting Grace home, even if we don't see the progress, even if seems like we aren't moving. Each day IS one day closer to when we get the news about her passport. It will happen, as we just keep going forward. It might have seemed like forever, but we eventually made it to the shuttle. The hike didn't last forever. There was an end, because we just kept taking steps in the right direction.

Even the longest adoption processes eventually end with the child at home (with the exception of programs closing, like Russia, keep those families in your prayers). I do sometimes think about if she will be home for Easter, or Fourth of July, or the Orange County Fair. But even if she isn't here for those things this year (which would be sad) she will be here for them another year. We have plenty of time to make memories with her, because she will eventually be home.

I no longer make predictions on when she will be home. I will sometimes say, "I hope she is home by ___." But I honestly have no idea. The fact that the passport process has taken this long is unexpected, and I think it is partially due to apparently a new part of the passport process (if I understand correctly). She will be home, someday. I even have faith that when that precious, amazing day comes, we will look back and say that it was the perfect day. At this point, we just see an uphill, after an already long hike. So if we sound tired of answering the question, it is because we are tired of asking that question ourselves.

One step at a time, one day at a time, we are getting closer.

To my daughter

Dear Grace,
    It has been six months since we learned about you. It seems like you have been part of our lives forever, but in truth, it has only been half a year since we knew of your existence. But in that time, you have become far more than just a name and a picture to us, you have become part of our family.

    We were so excited to finally tell our agency yes, that we wanted a child who was waiting for a family. We were so nervous as we waited the anxious month before we were told that yes, you would become ours. We were so ready to begin the journey towards getting you home.

     You have brought so much joy to our family, even though your dad and I are the only ones who have had the pleasure to meet you. You were loved from the moment that they saw your picture, and heard that you would one day be coming home to us as our daughter.

      October was a month of joy, as we learned that far away in Ghana, you legally became ours. You were officially no longer without parents, and we rejoiced so greatly on that day. November and December were a whirlwind. We loved getting to spend those four short days with you, though you likely have forgotten by now, we haven't. As you grow older, you may not ever remember that time, but we look forward to showing you pictures, and sharing with you how much it meant to us.

     I don't know how much they told you in the orphanage during this time, and I don't think you will ever be able to tell us. But in December, we thought you would get to come home really quick, and we were so ready for that. Nothing would have made us happier than to welcome you home in January, show you your room, your clothes and your toys.

    Grace, there is so much in your life that I will never be able to explain. I don't know why your biological mother felt that she couldn't care for you. I don't know why you were in this orphanage for eight months before your name even came up on a list to be able to be adopted. I don't know why it appears, that for now, God's plan for you is to stay there a little longer.

    But, there are many things that I do know. I know that God has a plan for your life, and he has had a plan for it since the day you were born. I know his plans are good, and that in the midst of all those things that I don't know, it was all part of the path for you to become part of our family. I know that though we may have missed your first steps, and your first words, we will be there for you on your first day of school. I know that while we couldn't read to you the first year of your life, we will be there with you as you learn to read. For every moment, every second that we are missing now, in the first few years of your life, we will make up for it by being there for you for more than ten times that long as you grow up.

     While I wish desperately that you were here, now, or that we had news that meant that it was just a week or two away, I know that most of us don't remember anything under the age of three. So we will remember this wait, and these months, but I hope that as you grow up, it will seem to you like you have always been with us. 

      I pray for you daily. I pray that you are loved while you are there. That you are cared for, and well fed, and healthy. I pray that all of the paperwork which keeps you from us gets finished quickly, and that God's will and timing will ultimately determine when you come home.

  Know that long before you felt like I was your mom, I was. And as your mom, I love you and miss you, and can't wait to see you again.

                                                                                                     - Mom

Tortillas and Soap Substitutes

In our on going quest to save money, and cut costs where we can, this week we made our own tortillas (actually the second time we have done this, but I forgot to get pictures the first time).



They are surprisingly easy, and have very few ingredients. After we combine the ingredients, we roll them into little balls, let them sit for twenty minutes, roll them out, and then just cook them like pancakes!

Tortillas aren't super expensive to start with, so I don't think it saves us that much money, but they are very tasty, and there is a certain sense of accomplishment in making them yourself!

The other thing that we have made, though haven't tried yet, is our own dish soap substitute. I had seen online lots of easy, green cleaners that you can make, so I had decided that as we run out of our current supply of cleaners, we would make our own!

This recipe is extremely simple. You take lemon peels, simmer them for four hours in water, then leave them to soak in the water overnight. In the morning you strain the peels, save the water, which smells lemony and supposedly has the lemon cleaning qualities in it. Then, you combine it with baking soda, and use that to wash your dishes.

We have gotten as far as the step before baking soda, so we aren't sure how effective it is yet, but I will be picking up baking soda on Thursday, and seeing how it goes! I am hopeful!

The Return of Hockey!

My life is not all glum... especially with hockey returning!

It is almost surprising how much I really do enjoy this sport. I have had a couple conversations trying to explain this fascination with hockey to others who don't enjoy, and it is difficult to do!

One thing is that it is a fast paced game, with very little boring time as the game is going on. Football and baseball have boring moments while you are waiting for the set up or for the pitch. I feel like I could have one of those games on in the background while I did something else- not hockey. You have to be watching the puck constantly, as it shifts from side to side frequently in any given minute of the game.

It is an exciting game, because a goal could happen at any moment while the game is going on. Even the last few seconds of a period or a game are crucial- I have personally seen goals scored in these last few remaining seconds. For example, the game we went to on Saturday, the Ducks scored when there was only slightly more than 30 seconds left in the period. Basically, if there is time on the clock, there is time to score.

Even with that said, it is a challenging game. It is a high scoring game if a team gets 6 points in the 60 minutes of play time, and that is a rare occurrence. Usually the teams score 3 points or less, which adds to the excitement, because every point counts that much more.

Also, there is a certain beauty to it, since every shot, block and save is done by players as they skate on the ice. I would bet that it would be much more difficult to do any other sport if the players were also having to keep their balance on ice skates. Plus, it means that even the best players sometimes fall on their own accord- which I am willing to bet is rare in other sports- not pushed, not tackled, just slip and fall.

Another interesting difference, and one that I think is pretty unique to hockey is the amount of time any given player is on the ice before they go back in- it is usually under a minute. Seriously. The announcers start talking about how much they need to switch once it has been over a minute, and I think that this improves the sport in two ways. One, the guys you see on the ice are always at their freshest, best skill level possible. Two, when they are out there, they give it their all, because they know they will get a break soon. I would wager that they skate harder, and play better just because they know they will get to rest soon, and what other sport can guarantee that?

More than anything though, is how invested I get in the Ducks games I watch. This is not something I can explain, it is just a feeling, and one that both Blake and I have had since our first game together. We are emotionally involved with the game. We get frustrated and yell at the TV when the other team scores, or our team loses the puck, and we get excited and yell and high five each other when they do score. A game that the Ducks win gives us a high for the night, where we are both excited and talk about all the best moves in the game that helped us win. A game that the Ducks lose puts us both in a sour mood, and we rehash all of the things that if they were different, maybe they could have won. Point being, we care. Not sure why... but we really do.

No other sport has ever made me care. I have watched a variety of sports over the years, mostly when someone else has them on, or it is the Olympics, but I watch as a passive bystander. I usually don't care who wins, and I'll appreciate the skillful moves, but at the end of the day, no matter who wins, I have already moved on. (Sadly yes, even with the Olympics- I want the U.S. to win, but I generally don't get too disappointed if we don't, I think good for that country).

So, while Grace isn't home yet, we do have hockey back, and the Ducks are doing pretty well! They won their first two games, beautifully, and we were very excited for the season. They had a bad loss last Friday, but they won on Saturday- the game we attended. Oh, and that game was VERY exciting and nerve racking. The two teams were evenly matched, and when the regulation time ended we were tied two to two. So we went into overtime, still no score. Then came the shootout, which the Ducks won! Such a great end to a hard fought game.

Tuesday's game was a bit of a downer, but not too bad. The Ducks were ahead for a good portion of the game, but with a few minutes left in the game, the Sharks scored to tie it. It again went into overtime, and then a shootout, but this time the Sharks won the shootout. However, the Sharks are currently an undefeated team, and the Ducks were the first to make them go into overtime, so it wasn't all bad. Plus, in hockey, if you lose in overtime, you still get a point in the rankings (instead of two for a win), so it wasn't a couple disappointment.

Anyways, next game is Friday, and you can be sure I'll be watching.

p.s. Thank you for all of the kind support and comments on my last post, which admittedly was not my happiest, nor written in the best mood. I am doing okay, I know it will happen eventually, it is just a hard journey, and I decided to write on one of the harder days. 

Worse than a Lack of News

I recently reread my December 11th post and was almost irritated by the optimism by the person posting it (I know it was me, but it truly feels like a different me that made that post).

I am a basically trusting person, I am. I realize not everyone is truthful, but it would be too depressing to live my life that way, so I choose to accept what people say at face value 9 out of 10 times.

The December 11th Lisa believed that what we had been told, in Ghana, by one of our representatives, was true. He said he could get a passport for a baby in 4 days. 4 days! You can see why I thought that it would be practically no time to get Grace's passport and then get her last few steps taken care of. I, at this point, was way more concerned about the visa pick up at that moment than the passport, thinking that could be a delay because of holidays, but that went smoothly.

Then December 11th Lisa had a bit of a let down, when the other Ghana contact said that the passport would be ready in January. This was disappointing, but not too bad, because based on what the first guy had said, I thought early January, like first few days in January.

To this end, I checked back in early January with the same person who said he thought the passport would be ready in January, and this time, he said he started processing the passport but it could be a few months, but hopefully soon. Disappointing... but I figured that he still thought it could be any day, and at least he sent it out (this passport paperwork that could take as little as 4 days if the first guy was correct).

Last Friday, the 25th, I checked back with the same guy that I mentioned the last two times, as, you know, it is almost the end of January, with no information or updates, at all. What he said sadly makes me wonder if I am crazy being a trusting person.

He said, basically, that he had two other steps to do before processing the passport (two steps that we hadn't been told about by anyone up to now, including from him) and he was working on the second of these two before steps and that this step (before processing the passport) can take up to 3 months, but that he hopes it will go faster. ... Oh, and he can't start passport processing until this middle step is done.

I truly don't get it. January 3, I'm told it has been processed, they are just waiting, and now, on the 25th I hear that it could be MONTHS before processing starts?

I want to be trusting... but something is wrong here. Somewhere we were mislead and given incorrect information. Someone is not being honest. Bottom line being... she still isn't home. She probably won't be home in the next few weeks. Blake is hoping for by the end of February, but for once, he is more of the optimist here than I am. I am hoping by my birthday in April.

Day to day, I am trying to keep the attitude of my last post, that it does me no good to sit around and mope and wonder what might have been if we had known this before. That my time is better off spent doing things around the house, and relaxing, and enjoying this time.

But at the same time, as it drags on, I feel guilty. Truly.

I feel guilty that my administrators had to work so hard and so fast to get a replacement for me, based on the December 11th Lisa.

I feel guilty that my students, who deserved a full year with the same teacher, haven't had me for this last month, and won't have me as their teacher during this time it drags on.

I feel guilty that my mother and mother in law worked hard to make sure that I had everything necessary before my shower because it seemed like she might arrive before the shower, and now... we will probably have the shower first after all.

I feel guilty that since our plan is for me to stay home until preschool time, we are already going to be on one income for a while, and I am costing us this second income early.

I feel guilty that there is little I can do to earn extra money during this time because I have really little to no idea how long it will be and any job could possibly have to stop so short, it isn't worth starting.

I feel guilty that I can't even substitute at my school because I think it would be unfair to my students to have me be there, on campus, in another classroom, not with them.  

I feel guilty that we got everyone's hopes up, including ours, when we were so clearly warned that the normal length of the process is 8-10 months from referral. Why did we think we would so beat the odds?

I know, logically, I can't feel guilty, because December 11th Lisa was operating on what she knew at the time... but it is easier to focus on the emotion of guilt that that of anger and frustration.

There is a little girl, in Ghana, who HAS parents, and her own room, and a house, and toys and HER OWN clothes that she doesn't have to share with anyone, and she can't be here enjoying it. She is stuck in an orphanage, with multiple caregivers and communal clothes and toys, nothing really to call her own.

This girl, who was just learning to stand when we saw her in November is learning more every day, and growing every day. She could be walking and talking, but we have no idea, we have no information, no updates. Every day that she is stuck there, she is outgrowing the clothes that we and others lovingly bought for her. We are missing her moments! She is missing the experience of having parents see her moments!

For what? Because of someone not processing things fast enough? Or because governments have so many frustrating hoops to jump through? Isn't it enough that we have proof that we are her parents? Why can't we just fly to Ghana and take her home? Why does there have to be I-600s and visa packet pickups and visa interviews and passports and visas? Who makes these rules? Why don't they care that there is a child, who needs parents, who has people who love her, and have some super expedited easy system to get her with her parents?

I wish I could say that I fully endorse adopting as the best way to build your families. I know at the end of the day, I am thankful to give her a home and become her mom. But the adoption process is ridiculous. I don't know where the blame lies. I know that many of these rules are there to ensure that no one does something illegal or unethical. The lack of a "normal" timeline is difficult. The lack of control, the lack of information, the inability to speed things up are all frustrating.

It sounds so simple, outside of context. We want to be parents to a child who has none. Simple, beautiful, rational. Something that everyone would agree is a good thing.

In context, we are suffering through a long, drawn out, complicated, expensive, lots of waiting, frustrating process just because we want to be parents to a child who has none. In context, not so simple. 

Sigh. So, there is my update. Sorry it isn't cheerier. Sorry to let everyone down with really, worse than a lack of news, we "officially" have a delay. Sigh. I'll make my next post more upbeat. But it probably won't be about adoption.