I started this blog ten years ago, as crazy as that sounds. Any faithful followers can attest that for the most part it is a relic of the time before I got too busy for it, but it still remains here, and is still something I like to post on from time to time.
I have hopes that someday I will take the time to get all of my most significant blogs onto a google document or something that will feel less likely to eventually be erased from the internet, but that, like most things, isn't high enough priority to get done any time soon.
But these big birthdays feel like they should get a nod, if only a brief one.
The first birthday I wrote about on here was turning 25. I wrote about turning 30, as well as my birthday some other years, but not every year.
So here I am at 35.
It is a strange number to me. Significantly older than 34, on the track to 40. But I am more at peace about it than I expected I would be.
Here is the simple truth. Not written about on here, but at 25, I started trying to have kids, and build our family. It didn't happen right away, or as simple as that, but yes, ten years ago was when we, Blake and I, decided we were ready for kids.
I spent the end of my twenties becoming more and more desperate for those kids, and thinking about our future together, their sports, their activities, who they would grow up to be.
By 30, I did have part of that dream fulfilled, and looking back at pictures of turning 30 and seeing my two kids still so little did make me miss their little days. Yet, though there was lots of joy in taking care of my little baby and toddler... it has not been so long ago that I have forgotten the tantrums, the potty training, the messes, the daily stress and grind of having two kids under 3 who constantly need you for everything. Those days were draining, exhausting and stressful. Precious too, and I am so thankful for all of the sweet memories I have from those times... but now is better.
Not just in a "enjoy the moment" kind of way, but in a truly, this age is better kind of way. Anyone who knows me knows that school age kids are really my sweet spot, and I LOVE seeing my kids thrive at their activities. I LOVE seeing their writing improve and when they figure out something difficult.
I love their relationship, and how most of the time they can play unsupervised, and get along and have lots of fun together.
My 25 year old self wanted this time. She wanted babies, yes, but more so she wanted the kid time.
I'm here.
I have what I hoped for- a good husband who loves me, and two beautiful kids who call me mom, who were excited to wish me happy birthday, who didn't want to let me go to work this morning.
Honestly, it is hard to imagine that, if you are going on the 5's, another birthday will top this one. By the time I am 40, this era will be past. I will be the parent of a 10 and 12 year old- two preteens. I'm guessing hormones and drama will abound. We will be heading into the time of junior high and high school. And I bet I'll look back on this birthday as such a sweet, awesome time with my kids.
The hardest thing is that I can't stop time. I can't stop them from continuing to grow up, and while I look forward to seeing who they become, it is so hard to not think of them as they are now- still my two primary grade kids.
As for the rest of my slice of life writing for the day- I am learning to de-prioritize goals for now.
Sounds strange right?
As a goal oriented person, there are always several ways that I am trying to improve myself- book goals, cleaning goals, sewing goals, learning a new language etc.
But as mentioned above, this time is short, and my life feels full enough with the kids, my job(s) and the necessities of keeping the house going. If I find free time between that, I want to read a relaxing book, not work through a difficult novel. If I find a few minutes on my phone, yes, these days, I typically pick instagram over my language app.
I will eventually have two grown kids. I will eventually retire. So I can eventually work on those goals. I have enough stress in my life, and I am paring down my goals for now, so that I can allow myself to enjoy the life that I am living today.
Now, I head off to pick up my kids from school, because they are still young enough to need me to, and I am excited to see them.
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