In another life

I've been fascinated with the idea of multiple universes for a long time. The idea that small choices can make significant impact on the future of your life makes for a great storyline, and many shows, movies and books play with this concept.

For what we can see though, we only have our one life to live, there are no time machines, and unless someone is hiding some big stuff, there is no way to travel to a parallel dimension.

Honestly, at this point in my life, I don't spend time wishing for a different life.

But recently there have been things that I ponder, then decide that they aren't the right fit for this life, at least for now.

The biggest one is the thought of training to be a doula, and then going out and actually trying to be hired as a doula. There is a lot that draws me to this idea as a way to help people, especially in an area that I am passionate about. I loved my doula, and I truly believe that having a doula with you in childbirth is a way to make your birth experience exponentially better.

This was no idle pondering either. I had a class I was looking at, I had talked to friends about it, had some people interested in my helping them in this way, and I was ready to take a step in this direction.

But...

then I realized it doesn't fit my current life. Not really. Not when I am thinking clearly. I have two kids, both in a lot of activities. Someone has to get them to these activities. Blake has a full time job, and it isn't easy for him to leave a moment's notice. Guess what happens at a moment's notice? Babies.

For every person that I help, my family's life is potentially disrupted at any given moment for a big spread of time. Then someone has to get to Remington's hockey, or Grace's gymnastics or art, etc. Widening the circle, and getting help, like I know doulas do, means that I have to have family members also ready to drop everything at a moment's notice to help, and though I have great parents and in-laws, their schedules don't really allow for this kind of spontaneous babysitting, especially as a regular thing.

In another life, if we didn't have kids, I could probably make this work, and I think I would really enjoy helping people in this way. But that isn't my life. Maybe when they are grown up and driving themselves, I can revisit this thought. I appreciate everyone ready to help me become a doula, and the encouragement was great, and I really was thinking about going this way, before placing this idea in context.

It isn't the first time I have had to put thoughts on the shelf of, "In another life."

If you are curious...in another life, if I had never met anyone to marry, I could have been happy as a traveling teacher. I once saw this job listing for a dream job of teaching this couple's few kids while they went on a world traveling trip. They said they would pay the teacher, as well as provide for her lodging, food and travel, just so they could have their kids privately tutored in several different countries throughout their year of travel. Wow. Just wow. In this line, I also was tempted, before realizing it didn't work with a husband, to travel to different countries, live with native families, and teach children English.

If I didn't have a family, I could see myself auditioning for little theaters. I miss high school drama, costumes, singing and everything that comes with the months of rehearsing, and opening nights. I have looked into theaters in the area... but then realize I can't be gone every night. It isn't fair to them.

I love my husband, and I love my kids. My high school self dreamed of this life- husband and kids-and some days it is surreal to be here. I am thankful for my kids especially because of the years I wanted kids and had to wait for God's timing.

It is like window shopping, and seeing something in a store that you love... but realize that it doesn't go in your house. I could be a doula... and would probably be happy in it... but I am also happy teaching, and giving my family the gift of less stress and stability (Grace especially needs that).

I am still happy to be a companion for people I know, who feel that my presence and self taught birth knowledge could be helpful for their birth experience. I just have realized that it doesn't make sense at this point to pursue it as a side job, summer job, or anything paid (or investing in the class), because of the big effect it would have on my family.