To anyone who follows this blog, I wrote another story on Medium titled The Fine Line between Empathy and Pity.
It basically talks about my thoughts on how to handle the news that someone you know is going through a health crisis or major life event, and my own personal experience of when I had my first flare, and how that diagnosis affected my family. I would love it if you would take a moment to read it.
Friday, October 25, 2019
Monday, April 8, 2019
My 35th birthday
I started this blog ten years ago, as crazy as that sounds. Any faithful followers can attest that for the most part it is a relic of the time before I got too busy for it, but it still remains here, and is still something I like to post on from time to time.
I have hopes that someday I will take the time to get all of my most significant blogs onto a google document or something that will feel less likely to eventually be erased from the internet, but that, like most things, isn't high enough priority to get done any time soon.
But these big birthdays feel like they should get a nod, if only a brief one.
The first birthday I wrote about on here was turning 25. I wrote about turning 30, as well as my birthday some other years, but not every year.
So here I am at 35.
It is a strange number to me. Significantly older than 34, on the track to 40. But I am more at peace about it than I expected I would be.
Here is the simple truth. Not written about on here, but at 25, I started trying to have kids, and build our family. It didn't happen right away, or as simple as that, but yes, ten years ago was when we, Blake and I, decided we were ready for kids.
I spent the end of my twenties becoming more and more desperate for those kids, and thinking about our future together, their sports, their activities, who they would grow up to be.
By 30, I did have part of that dream fulfilled, and looking back at pictures of turning 30 and seeing my two kids still so little did make me miss their little days. Yet, though there was lots of joy in taking care of my little baby and toddler... it has not been so long ago that I have forgotten the tantrums, the potty training, the messes, the daily stress and grind of having two kids under 3 who constantly need you for everything. Those days were draining, exhausting and stressful. Precious too, and I am so thankful for all of the sweet memories I have from those times... but now is better.
Not just in a "enjoy the moment" kind of way, but in a truly, this age is better kind of way. Anyone who knows me knows that school age kids are really my sweet spot, and I LOVE seeing my kids thrive at their activities. I LOVE seeing their writing improve and when they figure out something difficult.
I love their relationship, and how most of the time they can play unsupervised, and get along and have lots of fun together.
My 25 year old self wanted this time. She wanted babies, yes, but more so she wanted the kid time.
I'm here.
I have what I hoped for- a good husband who loves me, and two beautiful kids who call me mom, who were excited to wish me happy birthday, who didn't want to let me go to work this morning.
Honestly, it is hard to imagine that, if you are going on the 5's, another birthday will top this one. By the time I am 40, this era will be past. I will be the parent of a 10 and 12 year old- two preteens. I'm guessing hormones and drama will abound. We will be heading into the time of junior high and high school. And I bet I'll look back on this birthday as such a sweet, awesome time with my kids.
The hardest thing is that I can't stop time. I can't stop them from continuing to grow up, and while I look forward to seeing who they become, it is so hard to not think of them as they are now- still my two primary grade kids.
As for the rest of my slice of life writing for the day- I am learning to de-prioritize goals for now.
Sounds strange right?
As a goal oriented person, there are always several ways that I am trying to improve myself- book goals, cleaning goals, sewing goals, learning a new language etc.
But as mentioned above, this time is short, and my life feels full enough with the kids, my job(s) and the necessities of keeping the house going. If I find free time between that, I want to read a relaxing book, not work through a difficult novel. If I find a few minutes on my phone, yes, these days, I typically pick instagram over my language app.
I will eventually have two grown kids. I will eventually retire. So I can eventually work on those goals. I have enough stress in my life, and I am paring down my goals for now, so that I can allow myself to enjoy the life that I am living today.
Now, I head off to pick up my kids from school, because they are still young enough to need me to, and I am excited to see them.
I have hopes that someday I will take the time to get all of my most significant blogs onto a google document or something that will feel less likely to eventually be erased from the internet, but that, like most things, isn't high enough priority to get done any time soon.
But these big birthdays feel like they should get a nod, if only a brief one.
The first birthday I wrote about on here was turning 25. I wrote about turning 30, as well as my birthday some other years, but not every year.
So here I am at 35.
It is a strange number to me. Significantly older than 34, on the track to 40. But I am more at peace about it than I expected I would be.
Here is the simple truth. Not written about on here, but at 25, I started trying to have kids, and build our family. It didn't happen right away, or as simple as that, but yes, ten years ago was when we, Blake and I, decided we were ready for kids.
I spent the end of my twenties becoming more and more desperate for those kids, and thinking about our future together, their sports, their activities, who they would grow up to be.
By 30, I did have part of that dream fulfilled, and looking back at pictures of turning 30 and seeing my two kids still so little did make me miss their little days. Yet, though there was lots of joy in taking care of my little baby and toddler... it has not been so long ago that I have forgotten the tantrums, the potty training, the messes, the daily stress and grind of having two kids under 3 who constantly need you for everything. Those days were draining, exhausting and stressful. Precious too, and I am so thankful for all of the sweet memories I have from those times... but now is better.
Not just in a "enjoy the moment" kind of way, but in a truly, this age is better kind of way. Anyone who knows me knows that school age kids are really my sweet spot, and I LOVE seeing my kids thrive at their activities. I LOVE seeing their writing improve and when they figure out something difficult.
I love their relationship, and how most of the time they can play unsupervised, and get along and have lots of fun together.
My 25 year old self wanted this time. She wanted babies, yes, but more so she wanted the kid time.
I'm here.
I have what I hoped for- a good husband who loves me, and two beautiful kids who call me mom, who were excited to wish me happy birthday, who didn't want to let me go to work this morning.
Honestly, it is hard to imagine that, if you are going on the 5's, another birthday will top this one. By the time I am 40, this era will be past. I will be the parent of a 10 and 12 year old- two preteens. I'm guessing hormones and drama will abound. We will be heading into the time of junior high and high school. And I bet I'll look back on this birthday as such a sweet, awesome time with my kids.
The hardest thing is that I can't stop time. I can't stop them from continuing to grow up, and while I look forward to seeing who they become, it is so hard to not think of them as they are now- still my two primary grade kids.
As for the rest of my slice of life writing for the day- I am learning to de-prioritize goals for now.
Sounds strange right?
As a goal oriented person, there are always several ways that I am trying to improve myself- book goals, cleaning goals, sewing goals, learning a new language etc.
But as mentioned above, this time is short, and my life feels full enough with the kids, my job(s) and the necessities of keeping the house going. If I find free time between that, I want to read a relaxing book, not work through a difficult novel. If I find a few minutes on my phone, yes, these days, I typically pick instagram over my language app.
I will eventually have two grown kids. I will eventually retire. So I can eventually work on those goals. I have enough stress in my life, and I am paring down my goals for now, so that I can allow myself to enjoy the life that I am living today.
Now, I head off to pick up my kids from school, because they are still young enough to need me to, and I am excited to see them.
Friday, January 4, 2019
New Year, New Writing Platform
I have been encouraged by my aunt, many times, to become a writer in a more real sense than just posting occasional blogs, and in 2019, I have decided to venture out and try.
There is a website, called Medium, where they allow people to publish, and I will get paid if enough people read my stories and like my stories, especially paying members to the site.
I don't imagine I will make a ton of money doing this, but it isn't primarily for money anyways, so I decided to try. I have written two articles so far, and if you follow my blog, I thought I would invite you to head over there, and see what I have written.
Here is my latest:
https://medium.com/@lisaolsen_36549/the-dark-underbelly-of-pinterest-96e8f8b438d5
And my profile:
https://medium.com/@lisaolsen_36549
Please feel free to share these links with anyone you think would enjoy reading what I wrote.
There is a website, called Medium, where they allow people to publish, and I will get paid if enough people read my stories and like my stories, especially paying members to the site.
I don't imagine I will make a ton of money doing this, but it isn't primarily for money anyways, so I decided to try. I have written two articles so far, and if you follow my blog, I thought I would invite you to head over there, and see what I have written.
Here is my latest:
https://medium.com/@lisaolsen_36549/the-dark-underbelly-of-pinterest-96e8f8b438d5
And my profile:
https://medium.com/@lisaolsen_36549
Please feel free to share these links with anyone you think would enjoy reading what I wrote.
Monday, December 31, 2018
2018 Recap
Looking at my items from the jar, I am reminded first of the couple of trips that we went on. First, in February, Blake and I had a nice little getaway to Cambria, arranged by my mother in law (including taking care of the kids for us). We did some wine tasting, some hiking, and generally enjoyed a beautiful place and relaxed.
This summer, my parents took us to Lake Arrowhead, and the kids and I had a great time at Santa's Village /Skypark. Note that I said that the kids and I had a great time.... Blake not so much. Unpublished on this blog is the fact that Blake broke his leg this summer. He had decided to play some rec hockey after watching how much fun Remington was having, but he turned too quick on his skate, and his leg really hurt, to the point that he couldn't put pressure on it. He refused to go to the doctor until we were up in Lake Arrowhead, because he didn't want to ruin the trip. I forced him to go once we were up there, and sure enough... he had a broken fibula. That put a damper on the trip... and the summer. (It is all healed up now thankfully).
There was a third trip taken this year, but thanks to digital tickets, we don't have any cute souvenirs from it- Blake and I took a one night away trip to Vegas. Though, if I am being honest, it wasn't the best trip. I was feeling strangely tired that night, and had to force myself to stay awake. We went to see a Ducks vs Golden Knights game, which the Ducks lost in a major way. We didn't stay on the strip so we had to walk quite a ways to get to all of our places, and even the buffet, which was tasty, was overpriced for what we could eat, and we decided that next time we would rather just eat at a nice restaurant, instead of a buffet. Basically, for the majority of the trip, we were planning what we would do differently next time. However, the morning of the day we were flying back, we had a great time, being very unconventional, and playing archery tag and doing an escape room together, which totally redeemed the trip.
There are three different sets of season passes there, that I feel deserve a moment on the blog. Summer of 2017 the family trip was to San Diego, and as a part of that my parents were kind enough to get us passes to Legoland. We decided to also get passes to all of the museums in San Diego at the same approximate time. Those both expired summer of 2018, which is why they made it in this jar. But that left a gap, as we had really been enjoying having a place to go as a family to go have fun for the day out of the house at minimal daily cost, so we decided around May to get our family Knott's passes. The sad thing is that Knott's goes until the end of the calendar year, so we didn't have them for a whole year, but we did go enough times that I still feel like we got a good value out of them.
There were a few Ducks games, a few movies and one lonely race bib- though I do feel really good about my Spartan. I trained hard for it, and in the end, only was unable to complete three of the obstacles (earning myself 90 burpees). If you are curious- I couldn't climb the rop, I couldn't figure out the sideways rock climbing kind of thing, and I couldn't get my spear to stick in the hay. But I did successfully cross the monkey rings, and I did get myself up and over the wood walls, even though they were covered with mud from the previous muddy people.
My Grandmother celebrated her 90th birthday this year, and had a nice dinner with our large extended family, and that was nice to be a part of. I also had two really nice dates with my daughter this year- one in the summer where we did nails and then went to the Sawdust art festival, and another where I took her to a mother daughter shopping spree and then we went to a concert together. I look forward to planning more bonding days in the future for the two of us, especially since I felt like Remington got a lot of those when she started school before he did.
But the biggest things this year were not in this jar.
First, I said at the end of my blog last year that I hoped Remington would start playing hockey, since he had been taking lessons for so long. Well... be careful what you wish for. Remington did indeed start hockey at the start of 2018.
His first two seasons started slow, as he was just getting comfortable playing with the other kids, all much bigger than this little 4 year old (you have to be 4 to join the league). He didn't score any goals his first two seasons. But then, summer season, all of his previous training took effect, and he was the second highest goal scorer for the team that season! He scored 9 goals in the summer season.
Apparently this improved playing didn't go unnoticed. After his summer season ended we were approached by the coach of the club team at our rink, and he expressed interest in Remington joining the club team, for their 6 and under team. We hesitated, but decided to go for it, as even though we aren't totally versed in the world of club vs rec sports, we knew that him being asked to join the club team is a big deal. Basically the coach sees a lot of potential in him, and felt that if Remington was part of the team this year, it would make him that much better for next year's club team when he was 6.
Trouble was, he was already committed to baseball... and the rec team... So entered the busiest few months of the year for our family. Remington was juggling three teams, with practices and games for each, sometimes even on the same night (we would have baseball practice, leave from there, and get to hockey practice a little late).
By the end of the fall season, in the 12 games that Remington played (in rec) he had scored 17 goals and 3 assists. He has also scored twice in the club tournaments, against the arguably more difficult teams.
Going into the new year, we will continue to juggle two hockey teams, as his club coach strongly feels that it benefits these young players to play in both. Plus, as noted above, Remington can score in the rec league fairly consistently now... but still has to work hard to get goals in the club games, so it is good for him to have both.
Meanwhile, Grace has completely departed from traditional gymnastics, after it being her life for so long, but she loves her new interests. She is currently in three classes, all not competitive and all focused on growth and learning the skills.
One of her three classes is trampoline (which is still very similar to gymnastics, and that is helping her work towards doing an unassisted flip among other skills), which is the only class taking place at a traditional gymnastics gym.
Her other two classes, while much more off the beaten path, fit her so well, I am extremely happy she has found them. They are aerial silks and parkour. For silks class, it is basically learning how to do the different things on the silk that you see the Cirque du Soleil performers doing. But Grace loves how the silks feel, she is able to use her grip strength and upper body strength to climb the silk, and hang upside down from it, and she is excited to learn new skills on it as she progresses. In parkour, she is learning precision jumps, and vaulting over obstacles, running up walls, hanging from bars, etc. Lots of controlled risky activities, and she just loves it. It combines a lot of what she liked from gymnastics and rock climbing, and put it into one class that she can take to improve. But she also loves the open gym, where she gets to climb bars, do flips into the pit blocks, and basically have a safe(ish) place to try out all the risky stuff she wants to try at every playground.
For those of you keeping track- yes, that does mean that I have to get Remington to three practices a week plus games, plus tournaments and Grace to three classes a week, plus Grace has a cooking class (for now).
AND.... I am currently working three jobs. I still teach Music and Movement at the preschool three mornings a week, but I also have a job as a preschool teacher on Wednesdays, and on Fridays I sub in the Irvine school district.
AND... I have been really consistent with my workouts since last February, typically getting up at 5am so that I can go, work out for 50 minutes, get home, get ready, and go to work for the day.
<---- 3="" a="" all="" and="" anything="" asleep="" barely="" be="" bed="" been="" before="" blake="" blogs.="" blogs="" but="" chauffeuring="" couch="" could="" dinner="" do="" done...="" done="" fall="" for="" great="" hard.="" has="" have="" head="" i="" in="" is="" it="" just="" kid="" left="" lot="" m="" middle="" more="" my="" nbsp="" of="" on="" once="" p="" share...="" show.="" sounds="" that="" the="" things="" this="" time="" to="" tons="" too.="" too="" tv="" type="" up="" usually="" which="" why="" with="" work="" workout="" would="" written="" year="">
For the kids, in 2019, I don't expect a lot to change. More hockey, more parkour, aerial silks and trampoline. Even if she decides to shift what classes she is taking, we have committed to two years at the parkour gym (cheaper price, and lots of class variety if she gets bored), so we will be finding something fun for her to do there. Remington has committed to the club team through the next season, since that was the primary reason he was approached for this one. Since the coach likes rec hockey for these kids, that also commits him to more seasons of rec. We shall see about baseball or other sports, but hockey is his consistent passion- playing with hockey figurines or playing a hockey video game when not playing hockey himself.
For me... I am taking a big leap. I don't plan on teaching at the preschool again next year. It is far from my kids, and I want to be working in the city where they are. I would love a full time job next year, but I need to clear my schedule so I can be available for any local school opportunity that comes my way. But as much as I feel good that this is what I should do... it is a scary step to take, stepping away from a job in hopes of getting another (but the commitment to leave has to come months before I can even interview). The crazy thing is, that even if I get what I want- a full time job teaching in the school district where I live, I am worried about how hard it will be to handle the job and all of the kid stuff. But for now, I am taking it one step at a time.
My wishes for 2019 are simple. I wish for myself, my family and my friends to have a happy, healthy, minimal stress year. Unrealistic? Probably, but I can hope.
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
A Season of Change
Spring is always a season of change, with the weather gradually warming up, the plants growing and coming away from the cold winter (at least in places where there is cold weather, unlike Southern California). This spring has been more of a season of change than most around here.
The biggest change in our house is our departure from the competitive gymnastics road that we have been on with Grace for over a year now. All of 2017 she was in a program that simplified gymnastics to a few key skills, and then practiced them intensely, focusing on form and in precision in those skills. She was enthusiastic to be on a team, and we wanted to support that goal, and felt this was the way to do it.
Evaluations were stressful for her each month, but we were encouraging, even when she didn't get the evaluation she hoped for, and wasn't moved up early (which we didn't expect anyways). Things went further south when after a year in this program, she still didn't get to move up. She was crushed, and her enthusiasm was done. Now she was with kids just starting this level, and was still doing review, and not learning new skills.
She started to express the desire to be done, and for a while, we encouraged her to stick with it, but as we talked, and as we watched her, we realized that she didn't want to be evaluated... which is what competitions would be. The stress of the evaluations, the stress of the fine points of the sport, it all was working together to make her not look forward to class.
This month we made the decision as a family that this competitive track wasn't for her. Now, to be clear, she was adamant that she still liked gymnastics, and we tried out a recreational (non-competitive) class for her, and she LOVED it. She was lit up inside afterwards, and was in a really good mood after having a class where she got to do her handstands and bar, etc., but didn't have the strictness or the stress of her old class.
At the same time, she did a Learn to Play Hockey program, and loved it. So she is all set and ready to try being on a hockey team like her brother this summer.
This season of change has Remington ending preschool, and Grace going from Kindergarten to 1st grade. We are excited that she will be entering the public Montessori program at our local school, which allows us to have a lot of the benefits of Montessori, without the steep price tag.
Remington will be going to this school as well, and as the sibling of someone in the Montessori program, he will be able to enter it at 1st grade as well.
So, to summarize, after a whirlwind summer of activities for our daughter (who wants to do art AND cooking AND climbing etc.) and a summer that I work and Remington gets one more season at his familiar preschool for the summer, here are the differences in the fall.
Grace and Remington will both be in hockey. They will both be at the local public school, while I continue to work at the private preschool (without any kids there... sad). She will be in a new Montessori program, which fits her active personality better and he will be a bit more academically challenged than before in his new class. She will continue to take one, shorter gymnastics class for fun, and hopefully an art class as well.
Change is a part of life, as it is a part of the year, and I am excited about these new changes in our family's life going forward too.
The biggest change in our house is our departure from the competitive gymnastics road that we have been on with Grace for over a year now. All of 2017 she was in a program that simplified gymnastics to a few key skills, and then practiced them intensely, focusing on form and in precision in those skills. She was enthusiastic to be on a team, and we wanted to support that goal, and felt this was the way to do it.
Evaluations were stressful for her each month, but we were encouraging, even when she didn't get the evaluation she hoped for, and wasn't moved up early (which we didn't expect anyways). Things went further south when after a year in this program, she still didn't get to move up. She was crushed, and her enthusiasm was done. Now she was with kids just starting this level, and was still doing review, and not learning new skills.
She started to express the desire to be done, and for a while, we encouraged her to stick with it, but as we talked, and as we watched her, we realized that she didn't want to be evaluated... which is what competitions would be. The stress of the evaluations, the stress of the fine points of the sport, it all was working together to make her not look forward to class.
This month we made the decision as a family that this competitive track wasn't for her. Now, to be clear, she was adamant that she still liked gymnastics, and we tried out a recreational (non-competitive) class for her, and she LOVED it. She was lit up inside afterwards, and was in a really good mood after having a class where she got to do her handstands and bar, etc., but didn't have the strictness or the stress of her old class.
At the same time, she did a Learn to Play Hockey program, and loved it. So she is all set and ready to try being on a hockey team like her brother this summer.
This season of change has Remington ending preschool, and Grace going from Kindergarten to 1st grade. We are excited that she will be entering the public Montessori program at our local school, which allows us to have a lot of the benefits of Montessori, without the steep price tag.
Remington will be going to this school as well, and as the sibling of someone in the Montessori program, he will be able to enter it at 1st grade as well.
So, to summarize, after a whirlwind summer of activities for our daughter (who wants to do art AND cooking AND climbing etc.) and a summer that I work and Remington gets one more season at his familiar preschool for the summer, here are the differences in the fall.
Grace and Remington will both be in hockey. They will both be at the local public school, while I continue to work at the private preschool (without any kids there... sad). She will be in a new Montessori program, which fits her active personality better and he will be a bit more academically challenged than before in his new class. She will continue to take one, shorter gymnastics class for fun, and hopefully an art class as well.
Change is a part of life, as it is a part of the year, and I am excited about these new changes in our family's life going forward too.
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
In another life
I've been fascinated with the idea of multiple universes for a long time. The idea that small choices can make significant impact on the future of your life makes for a great storyline, and many shows, movies and books play with this concept.
For what we can see though, we only have our one life to live, there are no time machines, and unless someone is hiding some big stuff, there is no way to travel to a parallel dimension.
Honestly, at this point in my life, I don't spend time wishing for a different life.
But recently there have been things that I ponder, then decide that they aren't the right fit for this life, at least for now.
The biggest one is the thought of training to be a doula, and then going out and actually trying to be hired as a doula. There is a lot that draws me to this idea as a way to help people, especially in an area that I am passionate about. I loved my doula, and I truly believe that having a doula with you in childbirth is a way to make your birth experience exponentially better.
This was no idle pondering either. I had a class I was looking at, I had talked to friends about it, had some people interested in my helping them in this way, and I was ready to take a step in this direction.
But...
then I realized it doesn't fit my current life. Not really. Not when I am thinking clearly. I have two kids, both in a lot of activities. Someone has to get them to these activities. Blake has a full time job, and it isn't easy for him to leave a moment's notice. Guess what happens at a moment's notice? Babies.
For every person that I help, my family's life is potentially disrupted at any given moment for a big spread of time. Then someone has to get to Remington's hockey, or Grace's gymnastics or art, etc. Widening the circle, and getting help, like I know doulas do, means that I have to have family members also ready to drop everything at a moment's notice to help, and though I have great parents and in-laws, their schedules don't really allow for this kind of spontaneous babysitting, especially as a regular thing.
In another life, if we didn't have kids, I could probably make this work, and I think I would really enjoy helping people in this way. But that isn't my life. Maybe when they are grown up and driving themselves, I can revisit this thought. I appreciate everyone ready to help me become a doula, and the encouragement was great, and I really was thinking about going this way, before placing this idea in context.
It isn't the first time I have had to put thoughts on the shelf of, "In another life."
If you are curious...in another life, if I had never met anyone to marry, I could have been happy as a traveling teacher. I once saw this job listing for a dream job of teaching this couple's few kids while they went on a world traveling trip. They said they would pay the teacher, as well as provide for her lodging, food and travel, just so they could have their kids privately tutored in several different countries throughout their year of travel. Wow. Just wow. In this line, I also was tempted, before realizing it didn't work with a husband, to travel to different countries, live with native families, and teach children English.
If I didn't have a family, I could see myself auditioning for little theaters. I miss high school drama, costumes, singing and everything that comes with the months of rehearsing, and opening nights. I have looked into theaters in the area... but then realize I can't be gone every night. It isn't fair to them.
I love my husband, and I love my kids. My high school self dreamed of this life- husband and kids-and some days it is surreal to be here. I am thankful for my kids especially because of the years I wanted kids and had to wait for God's timing.
It is like window shopping, and seeing something in a store that you love... but realize that it doesn't go in your house. I could be a doula... and would probably be happy in it... but I am also happy teaching, and giving my family the gift of less stress and stability (Grace especially needs that).
I am still happy to be a companion for people I know, who feel that my presence and self taught birth knowledge could be helpful for their birth experience. I just have realized that it doesn't make sense at this point to pursue it as a side job, summer job, or anything paid (or investing in the class), because of the big effect it would have on my family.
For what we can see though, we only have our one life to live, there are no time machines, and unless someone is hiding some big stuff, there is no way to travel to a parallel dimension.
Honestly, at this point in my life, I don't spend time wishing for a different life.
But recently there have been things that I ponder, then decide that they aren't the right fit for this life, at least for now.
The biggest one is the thought of training to be a doula, and then going out and actually trying to be hired as a doula. There is a lot that draws me to this idea as a way to help people, especially in an area that I am passionate about. I loved my doula, and I truly believe that having a doula with you in childbirth is a way to make your birth experience exponentially better.
This was no idle pondering either. I had a class I was looking at, I had talked to friends about it, had some people interested in my helping them in this way, and I was ready to take a step in this direction.
But...
then I realized it doesn't fit my current life. Not really. Not when I am thinking clearly. I have two kids, both in a lot of activities. Someone has to get them to these activities. Blake has a full time job, and it isn't easy for him to leave a moment's notice. Guess what happens at a moment's notice? Babies.
For every person that I help, my family's life is potentially disrupted at any given moment for a big spread of time. Then someone has to get to Remington's hockey, or Grace's gymnastics or art, etc. Widening the circle, and getting help, like I know doulas do, means that I have to have family members also ready to drop everything at a moment's notice to help, and though I have great parents and in-laws, their schedules don't really allow for this kind of spontaneous babysitting, especially as a regular thing.
In another life, if we didn't have kids, I could probably make this work, and I think I would really enjoy helping people in this way. But that isn't my life. Maybe when they are grown up and driving themselves, I can revisit this thought. I appreciate everyone ready to help me become a doula, and the encouragement was great, and I really was thinking about going this way, before placing this idea in context.
It isn't the first time I have had to put thoughts on the shelf of, "In another life."
If you are curious...in another life, if I had never met anyone to marry, I could have been happy as a traveling teacher. I once saw this job listing for a dream job of teaching this couple's few kids while they went on a world traveling trip. They said they would pay the teacher, as well as provide for her lodging, food and travel, just so they could have their kids privately tutored in several different countries throughout their year of travel. Wow. Just wow. In this line, I also was tempted, before realizing it didn't work with a husband, to travel to different countries, live with native families, and teach children English.
If I didn't have a family, I could see myself auditioning for little theaters. I miss high school drama, costumes, singing and everything that comes with the months of rehearsing, and opening nights. I have looked into theaters in the area... but then realize I can't be gone every night. It isn't fair to them.
I love my husband, and I love my kids. My high school self dreamed of this life- husband and kids-and some days it is surreal to be here. I am thankful for my kids especially because of the years I wanted kids and had to wait for God's timing.
It is like window shopping, and seeing something in a store that you love... but realize that it doesn't go in your house. I could be a doula... and would probably be happy in it... but I am also happy teaching, and giving my family the gift of less stress and stability (Grace especially needs that).
I am still happy to be a companion for people I know, who feel that my presence and self taught birth knowledge could be helpful for their birth experience. I just have realized that it doesn't make sense at this point to pursue it as a side job, summer job, or anything paid (or investing in the class), because of the big effect it would have on my family.
Sunday, December 31, 2017
2017 Review
Here I am, typing at the end of yet another year. This blog only gets dusted off occasionally these days, but this is one tradition I really enjoy keeping.
We don't typically stay up till midnight, we have never been the huge New Years Eve Party type, but I do feel like the year deserves a proper send off in one form or another, and it appears that for me, it is writing a blog.
Plus, for the last several years, not sure how many, I have done the "jar thing." As I accumulate tickets from various events, I am torn between keeping them for the memories or tossing them as trash, and I have found a lot of peace with the jar. They are saved, in a jar, for the year, and then as part of my process of separating from the year ending, I let go of all the tickets, and start the year with an empty jar, full of possibilities.
The biggest stand out of the year is the new life that was welcomed in 2017. My sister-in-law, Jami and my husband's brother, Graeme, welcomed sweet Finley into the world this February, and it was a huge, amazing wonderful start of the year.
I am still blown away that myself, my mother-in-law and Jami's mother were all able to make it in time. Jami was so early, yet Lori had a feeling she was going to go early, convinced me, and so we were sitting in the airport, ready to load our two different planes when we found out that her water had broken and she was in the hospital- it was go time! I am so thankful that I was able to be there in time to help, in little ways, even though it meant taking a taxi straight to the hospital from the airport. That whole week was truly life changing for me, because while it was so hard to be away from my family, and my kids, it was so good to be in a place where I know I was helping, in little ways, this family that means so much to me as well. Also in that stack is the map of the drive that my husband and brother in law did when this family moved back! Yep, Blake flew to St. Louis, and then started the long, few day drive back to CA to get the car and the dogs here, and we back in CA marked their trip on a map as they updated us.
Also this year, our good friends Katy and Damian welcomed their first, little Logan, into the world in August. He is a smiling bundle of joy, and as I look back on the major events of the year, both Logan and Finley are high in my mind.
Highlights of the year as far as major events are that I got to see Hamilton, not once but twice! I love musicals, grew up watching them with my dad, and my friend Erin got me into Hamilton. So once I found out it was coming to our state, my friends and I made the plan to go. Then, before I had a chance to buy tickets, my aunt gave me the opportunity to use her season ticket early buying option to buy a ticket for a performance in August and go with my cousin- which I decided was too good to pass up, especially since I had read that Hamilton is consistently a sell out show. Then, when I could buy tickets like an average person, even though I had to wait on the ticketmaster app for a good half an hour, I was able to get myself and my friends tickets at a very affordable (for Hamilton) price, and I went a second time in October. I have never lost my love for theater, and hope to see at least one musical a year going forward.
Grace's big event this year was the Gymnastics P&G Championships. She has been extremely into gymnastics for a few years now, and is currently at a high level at our local gym, in their (long, several step) competitive program. She isn't competing yet, or even on the team yet, but in a class a few steps before that, starting to learn the fine nuances of the sport- perfect hands, toes, etc., grooming her for the day when judges will take off points for the little stuff. She did miss the December move up time, but after a talk with one of the coaches, we were assured that they still see potential, and her skills were not what held her back, but just her wiggles, and trouble focusing on the coaches instead of everything else in the gym. If she can find it in her to give them the attention they want, she will hopefully be moved up in April (just to the next level... still a few steps from team lol).
In any case, this little girl is a gymnastics fan girl. We were given the opportunity to see the final night of the women's national competition, from a suite, no less. She was totally into it, watching all the different girls, groaning when they fell, giving them her own points score, and not getting bored after doing this for hours! This from my daughter who doesn't even watch a TV show without getting bored. She was initially disappointed that the big names that she learned from the 2016 Olympics weren't competing (taking a break), but got into the new, upcoming girls. THEN, much to my daughter's delight, we found out that the entire USA gymnastics team, men and women, were being honored at this event, and her idol, Simone Biles, was down below us on stage, in the same building. She was practically speechless!
We did a few sporting events this year, though less than some years due to finances, and trips to St. Louis taking some of that budget (worth it!). There are a few Angels tickets that made it in the jar, and a few Ducks tickets that did not- but we have gone to a few (including one today).
This year was more places than some years, a lot because we have discovered our kids are happier when we aren't just at home for the day, so we find things to do. We went to the fair a few times, we went to a Scottish Festival this year (super fun), and we went to Medieval Times, Knotts, and Disneyland (though those tickets didn't make it in the jar, oops).
Different from past years is that we got a pass to Seaworld, and we got a pass to a set of museums in San Diego, and have used both a good amount of times, especially since the kids passes were only 10 dollars for the year thanks to a special program for preschoolers. Not pictured, is that we also got passes to Legoland, and have gone several times in 2017. Actually, we are finding Legoland is a great theme park. It has some fast roller coaster type rides, it has a Ninjago ride, which Remington loves, and it has a lot of great play areas for the kids. Plus, it is much closer to us than San Diego, and cheaper than Disney.
There is a print out of a hotel confirmation for our small family trip to San Diego- one that will go down in the Olsen records books as one of our worst trips ever. Sea World (day 1) was bad because one, Remington literally got bit by a bird when he was trying to feed the sea lions, and then there was a bee swarm on the climbing equipment. Weird, not so fun, but ok, maybe our second day will be better. Ummm no. So we stayed in San Diego for the night so the kids didn't have to do a big drive two days in a row, and we could do more in San Diego- namely those museums I talked about. It should have only taken ten minutes or so. But due to a rediculously bad mistake on my part... we booked this trip for a day that there was a marathon in San Diego. Meaning that many roads were closed, especially around where we needed to go, and the ones that weren't were majorly impacted by traffic. Awful. It literally took us two hours to go a few miles. We did finally get there, see some cool stuff at the museums, but Blake and my nerves were fried from the morning, and we had very little patience left for the kids, eh, just bad.
Not pictured is that we took a second vacation to San Diego this summer with my family, seeing Sea World, museums, and Legoland with them, and that trip, thankfully, was a good one. As my niece Livvie gets bigger, it is fun to see the three cousins interact together, especially when my kids set out to make her laugh (and usually succeed).
Different from years past, there is only one race bib, and it isn't a mistake. I literally only ran one race in 2017, and it wasn't even my best. It was in February, and I was trying to break my 2 hour half marathon goal, or at least the 2:02 that I had pulled off in November of 2016, but part way through the race my trusty Garmin died, even though it was fully charged, and I had to completely guess my pace for the rest. I still finished in 2:07, which is pretty good considering I had nothing to go off of, but was disheartening.
Honestly, I have really let running become a thing of my past, more than my future these days. The exhileration of finishing a hard race is great... but the time it takes to train for a half is too much right now. I want to spend my mornings sleeping in, not waking up before 5 to run. I want to spend my afternoons with my kids, not feeling tired and worn out from my early run. I want to spend my evenings at home relaxing, and getting some me time. In other words, I have decided that for now, I have different priorities in life than invest my time in running.
I do have a race coming up at the end of the month, thankfully not a half, and I have been still going to the gym and being active, just not running, and I think it will go okay. We will see. But I don't think I am going to be signing up for a lot of races in the near future. When I decided that my priorities had changed, I felt great freedom at choosing to let go instead of being stressed, and failing either my training or my family (or me). I miss the girls I was running with, and I can never seem to stay away from running forever (ever since cross country in high school), but I am at peace about not pursuing it right now. My goal oriented personality wonders if that 2 hour half will be what someday brings me back, but for now, I feel satisfied with my speed work getting down to 2:02, and love the extra energy I have in general without the continual soreness or tiredness cycles.
2017 marks the year that I got back into the work force, first as a sub in the beginning of the year, to working at my kids' preschool, to now being a Music and Movement teacher there. It is a fun change, and a good change financially, and significantly less stressful than 2nd or 4th grade, with less lesson plans and no tests, reports or grades to worry about.
2017 had great trips to Big Bear, great trips to the beach house, and had some pretty significant firsts. It had Grace's first day at Kindergarten, and her first time riding her bike without training wheels. This has been the year of Legos for Remington, and he has gotten really good at building sets on his own, even when they are listed as older than him. Both kids are really learning to read, not just know their letters, and are doing well at math too! There are bad days, there are grumpy moments, but overall, they are good kids, and tons of fun to be with when they are in a good mood.
What will 2018 bring?
-Hopefully Grace will progress in her gymnastics class, and see her hard work from 2017 pay off.
-Hopefully Remington will decide to join the Hockey team, since he has been taking lessons forever.
-Remington will finish preschool :-/, how is my baby growing up so fast!?!
-Remington will start school at the local school, leaving me (presumably) at the preschool with none of my kids there.
-More fun trips, more trips to Legoland, and more trips to the museums before those expire.
-Hopefully a year of great family memories.
Happy New Year!
We don't typically stay up till midnight, we have never been the huge New Years Eve Party type, but I do feel like the year deserves a proper send off in one form or another, and it appears that for me, it is writing a blog.
Plus, for the last several years, not sure how many, I have done the "jar thing." As I accumulate tickets from various events, I am torn between keeping them for the memories or tossing them as trash, and I have found a lot of peace with the jar. They are saved, in a jar, for the year, and then as part of my process of separating from the year ending, I let go of all the tickets, and start the year with an empty jar, full of possibilities.
I am still blown away that myself, my mother-in-law and Jami's mother were all able to make it in time. Jami was so early, yet Lori had a feeling she was going to go early, convinced me, and so we were sitting in the airport, ready to load our two different planes when we found out that her water had broken and she was in the hospital- it was go time! I am so thankful that I was able to be there in time to help, in little ways, even though it meant taking a taxi straight to the hospital from the airport. That whole week was truly life changing for me, because while it was so hard to be away from my family, and my kids, it was so good to be in a place where I know I was helping, in little ways, this family that means so much to me as well. Also in that stack is the map of the drive that my husband and brother in law did when this family moved back! Yep, Blake flew to St. Louis, and then started the long, few day drive back to CA to get the car and the dogs here, and we back in CA marked their trip on a map as they updated us.
Also this year, our good friends Katy and Damian welcomed their first, little Logan, into the world in August. He is a smiling bundle of joy, and as I look back on the major events of the year, both Logan and Finley are high in my mind.
Highlights of the year as far as major events are that I got to see Hamilton, not once but twice! I love musicals, grew up watching them with my dad, and my friend Erin got me into Hamilton. So once I found out it was coming to our state, my friends and I made the plan to go. Then, before I had a chance to buy tickets, my aunt gave me the opportunity to use her season ticket early buying option to buy a ticket for a performance in August and go with my cousin- which I decided was too good to pass up, especially since I had read that Hamilton is consistently a sell out show. Then, when I could buy tickets like an average person, even though I had to wait on the ticketmaster app for a good half an hour, I was able to get myself and my friends tickets at a very affordable (for Hamilton) price, and I went a second time in October. I have never lost my love for theater, and hope to see at least one musical a year going forward.
Grace's big event this year was the Gymnastics P&G Championships. She has been extremely into gymnastics for a few years now, and is currently at a high level at our local gym, in their (long, several step) competitive program. She isn't competing yet, or even on the team yet, but in a class a few steps before that, starting to learn the fine nuances of the sport- perfect hands, toes, etc., grooming her for the day when judges will take off points for the little stuff. She did miss the December move up time, but after a talk with one of the coaches, we were assured that they still see potential, and her skills were not what held her back, but just her wiggles, and trouble focusing on the coaches instead of everything else in the gym. If she can find it in her to give them the attention they want, she will hopefully be moved up in April (just to the next level... still a few steps from team lol).
In any case, this little girl is a gymnastics fan girl. We were given the opportunity to see the final night of the women's national competition, from a suite, no less. She was totally into it, watching all the different girls, groaning when they fell, giving them her own points score, and not getting bored after doing this for hours! This from my daughter who doesn't even watch a TV show without getting bored. She was initially disappointed that the big names that she learned from the 2016 Olympics weren't competing (taking a break), but got into the new, upcoming girls. THEN, much to my daughter's delight, we found out that the entire USA gymnastics team, men and women, were being honored at this event, and her idol, Simone Biles, was down below us on stage, in the same building. She was practically speechless!
We did a few sporting events this year, though less than some years due to finances, and trips to St. Louis taking some of that budget (worth it!). There are a few Angels tickets that made it in the jar, and a few Ducks tickets that did not- but we have gone to a few (including one today).
This year was more places than some years, a lot because we have discovered our kids are happier when we aren't just at home for the day, so we find things to do. We went to the fair a few times, we went to a Scottish Festival this year (super fun), and we went to Medieval Times, Knotts, and Disneyland (though those tickets didn't make it in the jar, oops).
Different from past years is that we got a pass to Seaworld, and we got a pass to a set of museums in San Diego, and have used both a good amount of times, especially since the kids passes were only 10 dollars for the year thanks to a special program for preschoolers. Not pictured, is that we also got passes to Legoland, and have gone several times in 2017. Actually, we are finding Legoland is a great theme park. It has some fast roller coaster type rides, it has a Ninjago ride, which Remington loves, and it has a lot of great play areas for the kids. Plus, it is much closer to us than San Diego, and cheaper than Disney.
There is a print out of a hotel confirmation for our small family trip to San Diego- one that will go down in the Olsen records books as one of our worst trips ever. Sea World (day 1) was bad because one, Remington literally got bit by a bird when he was trying to feed the sea lions, and then there was a bee swarm on the climbing equipment. Weird, not so fun, but ok, maybe our second day will be better. Ummm no. So we stayed in San Diego for the night so the kids didn't have to do a big drive two days in a row, and we could do more in San Diego- namely those museums I talked about. It should have only taken ten minutes or so. But due to a rediculously bad mistake on my part... we booked this trip for a day that there was a marathon in San Diego. Meaning that many roads were closed, especially around where we needed to go, and the ones that weren't were majorly impacted by traffic. Awful. It literally took us two hours to go a few miles. We did finally get there, see some cool stuff at the museums, but Blake and my nerves were fried from the morning, and we had very little patience left for the kids, eh, just bad.
Not pictured is that we took a second vacation to San Diego this summer with my family, seeing Sea World, museums, and Legoland with them, and that trip, thankfully, was a good one. As my niece Livvie gets bigger, it is fun to see the three cousins interact together, especially when my kids set out to make her laugh (and usually succeed).
Different from years past, there is only one race bib, and it isn't a mistake. I literally only ran one race in 2017, and it wasn't even my best. It was in February, and I was trying to break my 2 hour half marathon goal, or at least the 2:02 that I had pulled off in November of 2016, but part way through the race my trusty Garmin died, even though it was fully charged, and I had to completely guess my pace for the rest. I still finished in 2:07, which is pretty good considering I had nothing to go off of, but was disheartening.
Honestly, I have really let running become a thing of my past, more than my future these days. The exhileration of finishing a hard race is great... but the time it takes to train for a half is too much right now. I want to spend my mornings sleeping in, not waking up before 5 to run. I want to spend my afternoons with my kids, not feeling tired and worn out from my early run. I want to spend my evenings at home relaxing, and getting some me time. In other words, I have decided that for now, I have different priorities in life than invest my time in running.
I do have a race coming up at the end of the month, thankfully not a half, and I have been still going to the gym and being active, just not running, and I think it will go okay. We will see. But I don't think I am going to be signing up for a lot of races in the near future. When I decided that my priorities had changed, I felt great freedom at choosing to let go instead of being stressed, and failing either my training or my family (or me). I miss the girls I was running with, and I can never seem to stay away from running forever (ever since cross country in high school), but I am at peace about not pursuing it right now. My goal oriented personality wonders if that 2 hour half will be what someday brings me back, but for now, I feel satisfied with my speed work getting down to 2:02, and love the extra energy I have in general without the continual soreness or tiredness cycles.
2017 marks the year that I got back into the work force, first as a sub in the beginning of the year, to working at my kids' preschool, to now being a Music and Movement teacher there. It is a fun change, and a good change financially, and significantly less stressful than 2nd or 4th grade, with less lesson plans and no tests, reports or grades to worry about.
2017 had great trips to Big Bear, great trips to the beach house, and had some pretty significant firsts. It had Grace's first day at Kindergarten, and her first time riding her bike without training wheels. This has been the year of Legos for Remington, and he has gotten really good at building sets on his own, even when they are listed as older than him. Both kids are really learning to read, not just know their letters, and are doing well at math too! There are bad days, there are grumpy moments, but overall, they are good kids, and tons of fun to be with when they are in a good mood.
What will 2018 bring?
-Hopefully Grace will progress in her gymnastics class, and see her hard work from 2017 pay off.
-Hopefully Remington will decide to join the Hockey team, since he has been taking lessons forever.
-Remington will finish preschool :-/, how is my baby growing up so fast!?!
-Remington will start school at the local school, leaving me (presumably) at the preschool with none of my kids there.
-More fun trips, more trips to Legoland, and more trips to the museums before those expire.
-Hopefully a year of great family memories.
Happy New Year!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)